Early Autumn

Well, it’s been a while. The summer has come and gone. Thoughts of warm nights walking by the shore have been replaced with cooler, wet weekends filled with rain. Gone are the days of “summer goals” and practice sessions that were relatively empty due to so many people being on vacation. In short, the brats have returned. Not all brats are kids and not all kids are brats. There are several adults at one of the rinks I frequent who are so obnoxiously bratty that they (there are two of them in particular) have caused more than one adult skater to skate elsewhere. You know who you are, and if I may be so blunt… you stink. As for me, well, please stop cutting me off. I lost my temper last week and left the ice early. I have been quietly questioning my continuance in this sport for quite some time and last week took me to the precipice and almost pushed me off. Being told that I’d be missed if I left was quite sweet, but it wasn’t really changing my mind. Another adult skater put it this way, “just knock them down.” It’s a thought. One of the things preventing me from quitting is that I don’t want to end up on My 600 Pound Life because when I get depressed, boy can I chow down. I am confident that my sisters wouldn’t allow that to happen, but as with most people, I spend a great deal of time sitting on my keester, typing on a keyboard. Most of my current exercise is skating, but I’m working on fixing that. My strange inability to step from backwards to forwards to do a waltz jump has caused me more stress than I need. I don’t know when that started, and I don’t know how to not overthink it. In truth, if I overthink anything, I am unable to do it: C steps, 3 turns, step into spins, spins in general and now inside spirals. And people wondered why I was thinking about quitting. I once mentioned that figure skating was like a boyfriend who you really loved, but he didn’t love you back. There are days like that, weeks, months even. Currently, my “boyfriend” is trying to make an effort to be a better partner, but some days it’s like I’m not even there. Too many metaphors; English major here. I had promised myself that I would compete at least once a year. Not this year. My next scheduled competition is in mid-January. By that time I expect my mental blocks to be cleared therefore allowing me to jump and spin without thinking too much. It’s been an interesting few months. From a fractured wrist to plantar fasciitis to working 50-60 hours a week to sciatica to the heat in NYC to the cooler, damp weather. Seasons change. People, not so much. Sometimes I wonder how frustrated my coaches are. Watching me struggle with the same stupid crap week after week, month after month and now year after year. You know what I mean. But you catch them sometimes, looking at their other students, wanting to correct them or tell them something, but this is your time, so they’re stuck. Maybe stuck is the wrong word. They can always drop you as a student. It has happened to me so many times I’ve lost count. I wasn’t improving fast enough, so I was handed off to another coach while my original coach kept the student who was “improving”. Yeah, she quit skating six months later. While I blame everything on my weight, I know it’s not all about my weight. Skaters heavier than I am seem to glide across the ice with ease and grace. I’m graceful, don’t get me wrong, but I’m feeling a bit “earth bound”. My jumps used to soar, now it looks as thought I’ve tripped over my toe picks. Apart from a European vacation last year, I have not taken any time off from skating. My thinking was that consistency in training is the key; maybe not. I will be practicing tomorrow, but only one session instead of two. And I may only do Moves and hold off on freestyle until Thursday during my lesson after doing off-ice jumps. Until that time, in the words of another adult skater, who is also a friend…. “Get out of my way!”

An Afterthought

The adult figure skating season has basically ended. There are some random competitions between now and August before everything starts up again with the international competition in September. However, for the most part, the competitive season is over for 2023-2024. Several things occurred this season: some good, some not so good. Personally, I could have done without fracturing my wrist (yeah, it wasn’t just a sprain, but I didn’t find out until weeks later and it was healing on its own. I did, however, find a really, really cute orthopedist, however, he’s engaged…) I could have done without plantar fasciitis, which I’m still struggling with. Or that “edge class” that wasn’t. Those are my personal items. This post is about something bigger. Did you try to watch the major adult competitions this season? Oberstdorf always does an awesome job; they are wonderful with their coverage. No, I’m talking about Sectionals. Did you see it? Could you see it? For the most part, that answer was no. Easterns, which is my neck of the woods, was available for viewing via LliveBarn, for a price. Midwesterns and Pacific Coast were not available for viewing unless you were in the arena, and you had purchased a ticket. I’m all for people making a dollar, but they couldn’t find some way to allow the folks at home to watch the competition. Not even LiveBarn? Don’t get me wrong, LiveBarn is bad, horrible, okay it stinks. Since it was made for hockey, it has a hard time following a single skater. Or that was the excuse LiveBarn gave me when I filed a complaint. It has a hard time following a single skater, but can follow a small black puck across the ice with ten skaters chasing that puck and two standing on either end of the rink? Yeah, sure. As for Nationals, well that was another joke. Again, LiveBarn, with all its problems. Skaters would disappear outside the view of the cameras. Or my favorite, the feed would just shut down in the middle of a program, only to return ten minutes later. I hope there were official videos, but since I haven’t seen any posted by the people who usually post on social media, I have my doubts. Never thought I’d say that I miss Ice Network. It’s better than last year, when there was an official videographer, but no videos. You just had to wait almost eight months to receive your video, after receiving a lot of excuses. Again, never thought I’d miss Ice Network. Would they have done this to the kids? Absolutely not. I understand the economics of running a competition. I know it’s expensive and no one ever breaks even. Making a profit is unheard of. However, if adult skaters are serious enough to put down their hard-earned money, practice for months, take off from work, fly to wherever these competitions are held and stay in a hotel, don’t we deserve recognition? Similar treatment to the kids? No, we’re not going to the Olympics (and neither are 90% of the kids), but we don’t quit until physically or financially, we just can’t do it anymore. A new boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t cause us to toss our skates into the closet and let them rust away. We don’t need our parents’ permission to continue. And we know exactly how much it costs, and we continue. Don’t we deserve to be treated better? A recent post on social media stated that the monthly USFS Figure Skating magazine would become a quarterly publication instead of monthly. I suppose it would save money because it’s a multi-color publication on slick paper. However, by making it a quarterly publication, there will be even fewer articles about adults. There was no mention of the international competitions in Italy or Nashville in the magazine. The Gold/Senior level tests are the only ones listed in the back of the magazine. However, synchro is well represented. I was informed that someone, somewhere, is trying to make synchro an Olympic sport. Bring softball back to Olympics or add roller skating (which is really popular in Europe) before bringing in synchro in. Of course, this is just a rant about the disparity regarding the ability to watch children skating at Sectionals and Nationals and adults doing the same. It will never be even; I know that. Our dollars keep our clubs and the governing bodies afloat, our volunteering keep events for the kids from shutting down, but the end result is: we only matter to ourselves. And that’s sad. I appreciate what adult skaters have because not that long ago, we had nothing. I just wish it was a little better. Maybe I’m asking for too much. Maybe the venues for next year’s Sectionals and Nationals could start looking for videographers now so they’ll be ready for March and April. Maybe LiveBarn can improve. Seriously never expected to miss Ice Network.

Seriously??

After attending a one-day workshop that was an edge class at the rink, I decided to sign up for the group edge class at the same rink. This one was four classes, eighty minutes long and in the same vein as the workshop. I liked the workshop; I enjoyed the workshop. How much different could this class be? Apparently, quite different. It started off okay. The first week was fun with various levels of adult skaters. I was still wearing my wrist brace, so everything felt somewhat awkward. After several exercises incorporating parts of the Silve MIF, we broke off into groups. I opted for the lowest level of jumpers/spinners because of my timing issues with my jumps and spins and my wrist brace. I had already knocked myself in the face with that thing (putting on my coat) and also figured that sometimes you just need to work on the basics. The group was five of us; there was another lefty (YAY!!) and we worked on waltz jumps and Salchows. I still am not a fan of Salchows. When the instructor (whose name I still don’t know) came around, he told me that the edge going into my waltz jump wasn’t being held long enough and the distance between the take-off and the landing edges weren’t long enough either. Okay, I’ll agree on the first part; not sure about the second. He had me practice them from a T position. Okay. After about twenty of them from a T position, I went back-to-back crossovers… Nope. I had to do them from a T position. That did not do much for my timing, but the jump did get better. On to a Salchow. He had the same correction. I worked on it from back crossovers… Nope. I had to do them from a T position. There was a woman in the class who had never done a Salchow before. She could do them from back crossovers; not me. Again, the jump did get better. Fast forward to my lesson with my coach. My jumps had improved. I mentioned that the instructor said the distance between my take-off and landing wasn’t long enough and his response was, “Forget about that. Concentrate on the jump.” I pay him so I’ll listen to him. Don’t get me wrong, I pay for the class too.

The next class, we’re doing Cross Rolls, also on the Silver MIF test. I don’t have a problem with them, but they weren’t good as far as the instructor was concerned. I have actual edges on that move and you hear that ripping sound that you’re supposed to hear. Not good enough. Okay… We break off into groups and again I choose the lowest level. No longer wearing the wrist brace because it just gets in the way, I am determined to get my timing back. We’re doing scratch spins. My fellow lefty is not there, but that’s okay because I’ve been doing scratch spins for years. I do two crossovers and step into my scratch spin. I’m told that I’m stopping before I step in and I should practice Bauer Threes to prevent that. Okay. I start to do another scratch spin… no wait. I have to do it from a T position. I haven’t done a spin from a T position in so long, I don’t remember how to do it. My brain is not computing how to do it and I’m not spinning at all. While the other three women in my group are spinning from back crossovers, including one woman who has never done a one-foot spin in her life, I am spinning from a T position. I would like to point out that two of the other women stopped dead in their tracks before stepping into their spins. We tried sit spins for giggles. I had to go first, and I have a pretty decent sit spin. Nope. Not low enough (okay, I’ll take that), it wasn’t centered well, the edge going into the spin wasn’t long enough and I paused before stepping in. I was back to the T position. When we worked on waltz jumps, again my edge wasn’t long enough and the space between take-off and landing wasn’t long enough. I was back to the T position while the rest of the class was doing them from back crossovers, just as badly as I was. I’m not sure what was going on here. I would hate to think that this was some crazy form of light gaslighting. Either way, there are two more classes, and I will attend and get my money’s worth. As for any “corrections”, I’ll take them with a grain of salt. I spoke to my skater friend and her response was “That sounds like Ted.” For those of you who don’t know who Ted was in my life, he was an old coach I wrote about on June 20, 2011. She hit the nail on the head with her comment; this instructor IS just like Ted and I kicked him to the curb years ago. You can’t tell me to toss out everything I already know how to do so I’ll do it the exact way you want it. That’s not how the world works. I know how to do a scratch spin, a sit spin, a waltz jump and a Salchow. Go bother someone else. Once these classes are over, I will not be returning. And don’t call it an edge class/workshop if it’s really a Learn To Skate Class wherein an instructor will tear you down for shits and giggles.

Pain

I hurt myself today... Actually, it was yesterday. The session was going well. I skated my Swing dance and didn't mess up the C step in the corner, so my coach and I were able to re-start the dance. My jumps were going well, although slowly, with a few failed attempts before they were landed. For the record, I have never liked the Salchow and I still don't. Several attempts later and it was landed to my coach's satisfaction. Then, the toe loop. The horn for the Zamboni had been sounded. The first attempt hadn't gone as planned. But I was determined. On the second attempt, left forward inside 3 turn, left arm back and then scoop down and up... the 3 turn wasn't completed, I rocked back on my heels and my feet flew up in the air. I landed squarely on my left butt cheek and my left arm, which hadn't gotten out of the way fast enough. The amount of pain was unbelievable. The fall must have been pretty decent because my coach raced over to help me up. The look in his eyes told me that the look in my eyes wasn't good. I said, "I think that's enough for today." And he replied "Yeah, yeah definitely" as he skated me off the ice, asking if I was okay. I told him I was okay and wished him a good weekend before it all hit. Suddenly I was nauseous. And weak. I walked over to my friend, who saw the fall and asked if I was okay and I replied, "I think I'm going to faint." She offered me water, told me to sit down (I had been standing) and to take my time doing eveything. Eventually, I felt well enough to get my things and head out of the rink, but I was shaky amd my left wrist really hurt. Once home, I told my sisters (one is out of town) and after some back and forth, it was decided that I should go into the Walk-In Clinic. My left arm was throbbing, I couldn't move my fingers and changing out of my skating clothes was difficult. On the pain scale, I was at a 12. At the clinic, I had x-rays, after explaining several times that I'm a figure skater and that I had not hit my head. Turns out, I had a severe sprain and was given OTC painkillers and a brace. The next day, after very littlle sleep due to pain, the pain scale was down to 8. No jumping for a few days. Once I can make a fist and tie my skates, I'll be back on the ice. The moral of this story is: if you feel yourself falling, throw your arms in the air because your butt is tronger than your wrist. This was typed with one hand. I am amazed at how many things I do with my left hand.

Ouch

Recently, I woke up in a great deal of discomfort. My knees have been giving me problems for days, playing a crazy round-robin game of which one was going to hurt. They've been taking turns, sometimes during one session, to decide which one was going to inflict pain and for how long. The rules of the game keep changing, with different skills causing a different part of my knees to reject the movement. Sometimes it's as simple as walking. My back has decided to remind me that sometimes wearing a backpack when you already have back issues is not the smartest thing in the world. Skates are heavy. To those who are saying "use a wheelie bag", you have never lugged one of those things up and down NYC subway steps whether during rush hour or not. Increase the weight of the bag, with your skates and all of your essentials, then add an additional 15% and you have the result of carrying a wheeled skate bag through the NYC subway system. And please don't suggest using the elevator. That would be an entirely different post. My neck and shoulder have been reminding me not to sit hunched over my work computer, looking slightly to the left to see the additional monitor, for hours at a time. Also, I believe a massage is in my immediate future. A heel spur has opted to live in my right heel, causing shooting pains whenever it wants to. Putting weight on my right foot is a challenge, with or without skates, shoes or even air. I have been icing it, however, I have just read that heat works better, so shy of putting my foot on my radiator for hours at a time, I am using the hand warmers and ordering more, just in case. My left foot aches from jump landings and life. On a positive note, the sinus headaches I've been waking up with usually disappear after a few hours and I am no worse for wear. It is replaced by postnasal drip, which I will accept over a headache any day. Meanwhile, I have capsaicin for my back, neck, and shoulder; ice for my left foot; heat for my right foot and ibuprofen, all of whom are becoming my best friends.

Cheerleaders

Everyone needs a cheerleader now and then. Sometimes, that voice telling you that "you can do it" or "I'm proud of you" is all you need to continue, to get up when you're feeling down, to go forward when you think you have nothing. Sometimes, there is no voice, other than the one in your head. The voice that tells you you're not good enough, smart enough, fast enough, young enough, thin enough or something enough. The voice that you can't always silence but wish you could. Allow me to tell you that you ARE enough. Don't wait until you've lost weight, mastered the jump, feel worthy of the praise, or feel that you're "ready". Just go and TRY. Yes, you may fall on your face. Yes, you may fail, but you tried! Don't live off your old conquests. The past cannot return and allow you to relive the glory. Make a new glory. Conquer new battles. Make new memories. You only fail if you stop trying. That thing you always wanted to do, will you fail? Probably at first. Will you be embarrassed? Yes, but no one ever died of embarrassment. At first, it may not work out. You may be so bad at it that others roll their eyes when they see you trying. Imagine their faces when you finally get it. You may never be the best. Or land that multi-revolution jump. Or get that TV or Broadway show. Or sing at Carnegie Hall. Or winthe lottery. But you tried and you continued to take steps toward your goal. Everyone has gifts in a closet. Don’t die with all those gifts in your closet unopened. Also, check on people. Everyone is dealing with something; good, bad, or indifferent. But it's the person who always says "I'm fine" with an overly happy smile, who is probably in most need of your ear, a hug or even the acknowledgement that you know they're around. Treat everyone with kindness. Try not to complain too much. Get enough sleep. Laugh whenever you can (and it’s appropriate). Reach out to those you love. Do something you want to do, even if you’re scared, even if you don’t think you’re ready. You’d be surprised how many people use the excuse that they’re “not ready” and watch time and opportunity slip through your fingers. Your family and friends will understand if this means missing a holiday or two; it’s important to you. Never give up. Not on your dreams, your hopes, your desires. Don’t quit. Every step is a victory. Showing up is a victory. And I’m proud of you.

Off-Ice Class

I signed up for an eight week, two classes per weekend, off-ice online program. Nothing tells you how out of shape you are than taking a 45 minute off-ice class. Nothing. Jumping around for 45 minutes takes a lot when you're overweight and out of shape. Several weeks later and I discovered that my body usually hurts either when I sit for too long, or the next day. After the first two classes (they are on Saturays and Sundays), I found out that parts of my body I didn't know could hurt, did indeed hurt. My eyelashes hurt. My back hurt. My knees hurt. My side hurt. My shins hurt. Now, as I approach the last class of an eight week session, I'm not in as much pain in so many different areas. Now, only my quads, knees and back hurt. Happily, my eyelashes are fine. As I mentioned, you don't realize how out of shape you are until you're the only adult in an online off-ice class and you have to stop several times during the 4-6 minute jump rope portion of the warmup. No part of my body enjoys that. And I sound like I'm 20,000 years old with a smoker's cough when jumping rope. And I don't even use a jump rope! I tried the first class, only to discover that I don't really have enough room to jump rope in my living room. You can still stumble through a jump rope warmup without an actual jump rope. Being a clockwise or lefty skater is always a lesson in reversing instructions. Teacher says "left hand", you know it's your right hand. Teacher says "land on your right foot", you know it's land on your left foot. When instructed to do jumps in both directions, that's when I get confused. Right hand? Left hand? Whatever. Just try your best. At least I know my right from my left; there are two little ones in my class who aren't so sure. Before you say I'm being mean, they're at least 8 years old. By 8, you should know your right from your left. Last week, I took a tumble during class, falling down hard in front of my camera, scraping my knees and shins and somehow breaking a toe nail. As if I were on the ice, got right back up, checked for blood and continued the class. Once class was over, it was time for ice packs, bandaids and antibotic ointment. Later that night, a nice cold glass of champagne soothed the pain. As this session of off-ice classes with this particular company draws to a close, I have noticed that my jumps have a bit more spring in them. Even my coach noticed the spring in my jumps. I was surprised to learn that I should be doing off-ice four times a week, including the class. Oops. I will add that to my list of things to do. After watching a fellow skater's YouTube video on a week in her life, it's obvious that I need to organize my life better. Granted, she doesn't work weekends and due to the amount of work I have, I do work weekends. She also lives in Manhattan, so she doesn't kill two hours a day just traveling to and from the rink. Her hours are also more flexible than mine; I absolutely have to be signed into the system no later than 9:30, although no one gives a hoot about what time I sign off. Somehow I have to find time for a lunch break so I can do my new obsession: Medicine Ball workouts. Add that obsession to my spin class and kickboxing. Doing this and meal preps and I won't feel so out of shape. I also need to organize my work space so I don't constantly mutter swear words while thinking "where is my PEN?!?!" I will be trying a new off-ice class in a few weeks. This one is for adult skaters, so we'll be muted on Zoom so you don't hear the sound of popping and cracking body parts. We'll all smell like mentholatum, but since we're home, no one will notice. I'll update you on that class once it starts. Meanwhile, I'm off to run errands. Happy skating.