Early Autumn

Well, it’s been a while. The summer has come and gone. Thoughts of warm nights walking by the shore have been replaced with cooler, wet weekends filled with rain. Gone are the days of “summer goals” and practice sessions that were relatively empty due to so many people being on vacation. In short, the brats have returned. Not all brats are kids and not all kids are brats. There are several adults at one of the rinks I frequent who are so obnoxiously bratty that they (there are two of them in particular) have caused more than one adult skater to skate elsewhere. You know who you are, and if I may be so blunt… you stink. As for me, well, please stop cutting me off. I lost my temper last week and left the ice early. I have been quietly questioning my continuance in this sport for quite some time and last week took me to the precipice and almost pushed me off. Being told that I’d be missed if I left was quite sweet, but it wasn’t really changing my mind. Another adult skater put it this way, “just knock them down.” It’s a thought. One of the things preventing me from quitting is that I don’t want to end up on My 600 Pound Life because when I get depressed, boy can I chow down. I am confident that my sisters wouldn’t allow that to happen, but as with most people, I spend a great deal of time sitting on my keester, typing on a keyboard. Most of my current exercise is skating, but I’m working on fixing that. My strange inability to step from backwards to forwards to do a waltz jump has caused me more stress than I need. I don’t know when that started, and I don’t know how to not overthink it. In truth, if I overthink anything, I am unable to do it: C steps, 3 turns, step into spins, spins in general and now inside spirals. And people wondered why I was thinking about quitting. I once mentioned that figure skating was like a boyfriend who you really loved, but he didn’t love you back. There are days like that, weeks, months even. Currently, my “boyfriend” is trying to make an effort to be a better partner, but some days it’s like I’m not even there. Too many metaphors; English major here. I had promised myself that I would compete at least once a year. Not this year. My next scheduled competition is in mid-January. By that time I expect my mental blocks to be cleared therefore allowing me to jump and spin without thinking too much. It’s been an interesting few months. From a fractured wrist to plantar fasciitis to working 50-60 hours a week to sciatica to the heat in NYC to the cooler, damp weather. Seasons change. People, not so much. Sometimes I wonder how frustrated my coaches are. Watching me struggle with the same stupid crap week after week, month after month and now year after year. You know what I mean. But you catch them sometimes, looking at their other students, wanting to correct them or tell them something, but this is your time, so they’re stuck. Maybe stuck is the wrong word. They can always drop you as a student. It has happened to me so many times I’ve lost count. I wasn’t improving fast enough, so I was handed off to another coach while my original coach kept the student who was “improving”. Yeah, she quit skating six months later. While I blame everything on my weight, I know it’s not all about my weight. Skaters heavier than I am seem to glide across the ice with ease and grace. I’m graceful, don’t get me wrong, but I’m feeling a bit “earth bound”. My jumps used to soar, now it looks as thought I’ve tripped over my toe picks. Apart from a European vacation last year, I have not taken any time off from skating. My thinking was that consistency in training is the key; maybe not. I will be practicing tomorrow, but only one session instead of two. And I may only do Moves and hold off on freestyle until Thursday during my lesson after doing off-ice jumps. Until that time, in the words of another adult skater, who is also a friend…. “Get out of my way!”