Decisions, Decisions

My vacation is nearly over. As is the summer, which pretty much sucked.

I think I've skated more during my week long vacation than I did all summer. Needless to say, some of my "skills" have decided to remain on vacation, even though it is long time for them to return.

Skills, I expect you back after Labor Day. Don't make me come after you!

I spent most of the summer studying, practicing and absorbing as much ASL as possible. I think my brain is slightly fried, but there's no time for that as school begins again on Tuesday. My stomach hurts just thinking about it.

Or it was the spiked lemonade I just had; not sure which.

This brings me to decision making time.

I don't have a lot of free time anymore. Between the 40 mile round trip commute, school two nights and one morning per week (Saturday mornings), and my favorite, rinks that refuse to have decent schedules for freestyle, I have a very tough decision to make... monitoring the Sunday morning session again.

This time, there is a twist.

My coach, Amy, has agreed to come in most Sunday mornings for me on the second session. I have informed the powers that be, that I am willing to monitor the first session and the first session only. Once that zamboni hits the ice, I am just another skater. Since there will only be two 50 minute sessions, no longer will there be a session for the "elite" high test skaters. They will have to learn how to play nice with everyone else. Too bad if a 7 year old gets in your way. Go around her!

The other twist is that if it doesn't work out for me; I'm gone. Last year was pure hell, evil and the biggest waste of my time. I don't plan to waste my time this year.

I have been invited to the 2011 Police and Firefighters World Games. Just walking into the venue had me missing competing. I really must get my butt in gear. I am still unhappy with my weight and I really have no excuse for it. I must admit if it wasn't nailed down, I ate it. That really has to stop because everything I eat is making me sick. My gastroenterologist still insists it's stress. Perhaps if I took a real vacation instead of staying home studying and grabbing random skating sessions while having to listen to my annoying lead-footed upstairs neighbors, I'd have a bit less stress. (Sidebar: My upstairs neighbors are so heavy on their feet, I know EXACTLY where they are in their apartment at all times. When they walk across the floor, my apartment vibrates!)

I am strangely giddy and optimistic about everything, which is SOOOOOO not like me. You'd think I was finally on anti-depressants again. FYI, they only made sick the first time, which is why I'm not on them any longer. I am one of those people who need to stay busy all the time. Between work (blah!), skating, the gym and school, I can't imagine how I could have time to feel sorry for spending so much time alone and not being in a relationship and never having any fun...

I think I thought too long...

And for the record: there is no such thing as "big-boned". Recently I was called big-boned. While I wish this was a true excuse for my size, I really am just fat. Not happy about it and this time, I will work harder to rectify that situation.

Still, I have 4 days left thanks to the Labor Day weekend. Sleeping in sounds like a plan since I won't be able to do it again until Thanksgiving.

Really???

It's August. I believe I've skated 6 times all summer. And had 2 lessons.

I'm watching my hopes for Adult Nationals, and the need to pass 2 tests to be able to compete at said Nationals, disappearing as quickly as the days are passing.

Last week, I had planned on skating on Tuesday and Wednesday. On Thursday, I had an event related to school to attend. Unfortunately, my migraine, Miles, decided to show up on Monday night and stuck around until Wednesday night. I'm still trying to figure out what my triggers are and I'm coming up empty.

With that in mind, I hope to be at the rink tomorrow.

School is over for the rest of the summer; I have 3 weeks before it all starts all over again. I'm on vacation (and going no where) the last week of August. I will be at the rink every day.

In the meantime, I will be doing kick boxing to try to lose some weight. Wish me luck.

Welcome To My Pity-Party

This is a mis-mash of emotions I'm going through right now. I feel lost and alone and overwhelmed and frustrated and incredibly sad. So sad I've been forced to buy waterproof mascara and I hate that stuff. (It's really bad for your lashes; breaks them off).

I belong to an adult competitive webgroup. Recently I vented about not having sessions because they were given to hockey. What did I get in response? Comments like "you should move", or "hockey pays for the ice", or "life's tough" and my personal favorite "rather than spending the hour to get to the rink with a lesson with my coach, I work with another coach, or go to my syncho practice or work-out in my pool". Thanks. On a good week, I skate twice a week. A really great week is three times on the ice. And this pain in the rear tells me to work out in my pool. I have a few choice words, but I'll be polite.

Lately, I have felt overwhelmed. I spend a lot of time alone as my sister/roommate is away every weekend. For the most part, I don't mind; I have school to keep me busy and the adding frustration of trying to get a webcam to hook up to Windows Live Messenger and two email accounts it apparently doesn't like. However, it has occurred to me that my life has not gone the way I had hoped by any stretch of the imagination. I have been looking for a new job for 8 years and I'm still working with Jabba the Hut. I haven't been in a relationship since the Clinton years. I can't seem to lose weight and I looked at myself in that stupid webcam and I look like the stuff you scrape off your shoes after walking through a dog park!

My physical health is pretty stable: my cough has never gone away, my sciatica still bothers me, my knees ache from time to time and I've injured BOTH of my rotor cuffs putting on a backpack. As for my love life, well, there is the guy who lives near my new parking space and he'd be fine if he wasn't covered in tattoos, didn't smoke like a chimney and had teeth. Does it help that I have a crazy crush on one of my teachers, who unfortunately is only 27? And probably not straight?

I am overwhelmed with having to clean my apartment since my roomie is never home. Overwhelmed because someone I love dearly is unemployed and finds in necessary to mention this fact in every single conversation, at least 5 times. My plan is to find a better job so I can give this individual $600 a month as "hush money" as in "hush-up now".

I have just been denied my vacation time, not that it really matters. I wanted to go someplace quiet and not listen to anyone complain, since I do that all day at work and afterwards. But surprise, my family wants to come along. I haven't had a real vacation in years.

Since I have skated three times since June 1st, the competition I wanted to do in October is out of the question. You can only come in last so many times before it starts to take a toll on you. When I do skate, thanks to doing kickboxing during my lunch hour (that's NEVER an hour), I am much stronger. The kickboxing was supposed to help with my stress (insert here dizzy spells and nose bleeds), but it doesn't seem to be working. After I finish, my body reminds me that I've injured both my rotor cuffs. I've wanted to get up earlier and get to the rink, but since I'm not sleeping well, it has made that difficult.

I apologize for dumping my feelings on anyone who reads this. If you are one of the people mentioned in this post; I am sorry if I upset you. I'm also surprised that you read it.

Back to work for me. If you hear someone sobbing in the background, pay no attention to it. It's just me.

I'm Still Here

It's been over a month since I put on skates and I must admit I miss it. I'd like to thank the powers that be for changing the schedule and totally screwing up my plans.

Happily, I'll be back on the ice on Wednesday. Unfortunately, I'll be back at the rink in Bethpage, where the skaters will just jump anywhere they so desire. Last summer when I skated there, I took down a little girl who decided that the track was an excellent place to spin. Sorry kid. This year, I have no plans of aborting any of my jumps, so skaters at Bethpage, keep your eyes open.

To quote The Joker from the original (the 80s) Batman movie, "Wait 'till they get a load of me."

Ted

I was asked to do a post about Ted, the coach who tore me down, but never built me back up. So, here goes...

I began my skating career in Manhattan and then after leaving one coach, started skating in Long Island. Since I skated mostly on the weekends and one day during the week, it strangely ended up working. That is, until my coach in Long Island decided I wasn't progressing fast enough and dropped me as a student.

Thanks Susan.

So I returned to Manhattan, which, since I worked in Manhattan, worked well for me. I returned to Sky Rink and asked a few friends who they were taking lessons from. 99% of the coaches were booked. One coach simply refused to take on an adult skater (I wasn't going to the Olympics and what do you know, neither were any of his other students!). Since I wanted to become a stronger skater, rather than a more lyrical skater (I already am pretty lyrical), I decided I wanted a male coach.

Someone suggested Ted.

I met Ted and he seemed interested enough in taking me on as a student. He was able to fit into my schedule, which was a 6:30am session with a lesson once a week. Finances prevented me from any additional lessons. That was fine as far as I was concerned.

I arrived at my first lesson with ALL of my single jumps and a massively cheated axel. My backspin had never been strong, but I was able to crank out three of the slowest revolutions on that spin. I was optimistic.

My first four lessons consisted of Ted making me stroke, over and over and over and over and over again. Everything was wrong with my stroking. Everything. Four lessons and we hadn't even gotten to crossovers and each lesson was 50 minutes long. If I was at the other end of the rink, he whistled for me. Yes, whistled. All the time, I just stroked. If I did a crossover on the ends, he told me I was wrong.

I later found out that Ted was an ice dancer, which explained his obsession with stroking.

When we finally got to crossovers, mine were horrible. He had never seen such bad crossovers. Really? I didn't think they were that bad.

Once when Ted was a little late, I did a spin and a few jumps. A friend asked me why I had been spending so much time on stroking and crossovers. I couldn't answer her; I still can't.

We finally graduated to waltz jumps, salchows and the occasional toe loop. My waltz jumps went from being big to being so small it looked like I tripped. Ted was concentrating on the edge before the jump; the jump itself wasn't important. Okay. He changed the entrance into my salchow which flattened out the edge nicely, but ruined the timing, so I spun the jump instead of jumping it. As for my toe loop, it, along with my loop, flip, lutz and cheated axel disappeared from lack of use.

It was right around then that I had mentioned that I wanted to do Adult Nationals. I had already sent in my money and thought this would kick-start a different training program. After being told I shouldn't have signed up for the competition without his permission, Ted told me I should be prepared to come in last.

Off to Adult Nationals where I came in... last.

Upon returning and telling Ted, he said, "I told you so". And proceeded to tell me NOW we could start working at breaking down all of my bad habits and building them back up. I was told it would probably take years, if he was able to fix it at all.

We returned to stroking. And, strangely, flying camels.

It was right about this time that I developed degenerative joint disease in my back. I remember the day the pain got to be too bad; I was tying my skates and I sneezed. My back pain went from 1 to 100000 in a matter of seconds. I told Ted I was in a lot of pain and he said to suck it up. Okay.

I began to skate more practice sessions in a mad effort to keep what few skills I had left: my waltz jump, toe loop and scratch spin was all that was left. If I did my salchow the way I could do it, I'd land it. If I did it the way Ted wanted, I spun the jump and didn't leave the ground. I tried. I worked the way Ted suggested; afterall, he was the coach. My loop jump sort of returned, if I did a waltz jump before hand. If I showed the jump to Ted, he told me I was doing it wrong. However, since the waltz-loop was going well, he allowed me to continue to practice it.

My flip, lutz and cheated axel simply moved away.

Then one day, all hell broke loose. My skates were stolen.

I was inconsolable. I cried, I prayed, I cried, I prayed. Eventually, I scrapped together enough money to buy another pair.

When I returned to skating, I discovered that the rocker on a Pattern 99 blade had changed, causing me to fall down a lot. I couldn't do a jump, a spin or that annoying stroking. It took weeks to be able to get used to the rocker of the new Pattern 99. When I did, I had totally lost my toe loop, which had been my best jump up until that moment.

My skills slowly returned, and during that time, we returned to stroking forward and backward.

It was right about this time that Ted decided that if I was going to insist on competiting, that my taste in music sucked. I have always been a "show tunes, movie soundtrack, ballet music" type of gal, so Ted picked Yanni. I have nothing against Yanni; he's just not what I would have chosen.

Thanks to Yanni, I met Amy, who was cheographing my program. Thank God. She didn't think the music was for me either.

With now three jumps (waltz, salchow, toe loop) and one spin (scratch) and a new program, the summer arrived. With the summer was a change in Ted's schedule and he handed me over to Amy until the fall.

Something happened that I'm not quite sure of, and Ted never returned. I remained with Amy.

My jumps have slowly returned and my spins are always better when I weigh less. Ted wasn't a bad coach; he just wasn't the coach for me. He was a bit too negative for my incredibly fragile ego.

Right now, because of scheduling, I probably won't be able to take lessons from Amy until the fall. The tenative schedule I had has gone down the drain thanks to sessions being given to hockey. I haven't skated in over a month. I haven't lost a pound and I really need to. I will return to the rink on Friday at World Ice, where the parents are rude and skaters are oblivious.

Wish me luck.

I'm Free!!!!

It is finally over!! The biggest mistake I have ever made in my skating career (except picking Ted as a coach) has finally ended.

My self-emposed sentence as Ice Monitor has reached its end and I am blessedly free from the chore!!

My final session was so much like previous sessions; I skated for 10 minutes. During those 10 minutes, I got absolutely nothing done. Why? There were 30 skaters on the ice. Everyone had approximately one foot of skating room. I didn't even bother to try to do my moves in the field, I did try to work on spins, but that proved to be a waste of time. I really didn't care; all I wanted was for the session to end so I could hand in my paperwork and never, ever do this chore again.

Songs about freedom have been running through my mind: "Me and Bobby McGee", "Freedom" (from the musical Shenendoah), "Free" (from the musical A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum)... The list goes on.

One bright note is that my co-monitor relaxed a great deal as the year went on. Plus, said the sweetest thing. She said she wished I had had the chance to really skate because she knew I could skate and wanted to actually see me do something. I had to agree with her on that one.

So, I have plans (again) and some upcoming time off. (I don't call them vacations because something usually goes horribly wrong.) I have a few things to do during that time which includes cleaning my apartment, going to the gym, skating, studying and attending a theatre opening. I already have the shoes, now to figure out what I'm wearing...

It'll be so good to sleep in on a Sunday. Or go to church.

One Day More...

I can see freedom in the horizon and I am heading toward it.

There is only one, I repeat, one session left on Sunday mornings for me to monitor. I am almost free! And as I've said before, I will NEVER, EVER monitor again. Being an ice monitor, at least for these sessions, is better suited for a parent and NOT a skater.

Today, I spent 10 minutes on an ice surface that had, including coaches 35 people. The skaters, both lower level and high level, seem to be oblivious to one another, thus explaining the girl who almost took my head off while I was doing a Silver Move in the Field, backwards in the track, and she decided that that was the best place to do a flying camel.

Don't remember where I had my skates sharpened, but thank you, whomever you are.

Normally, I'd be in panic mode because of the ISIA competition on the first Sunday of June, but I'm not doing it this year. It's sort of bittersweet. I'm not prepared and my music hasn't been cut. Unfortunately, this was the only competition I did for 2 years and since I thought I sucked so badly last year, I was hoping for vindication. Oh well.

I'd like to do the ISIA Adult Competition in Florida in late September, but I promised my sister we'd attend a fashion show at the mall and I think it's the same weekend. Being the person that I am, I'll go to the fashion show and not compete again. Doesn't really matter to anyone but me.

I remember when I returned to competiting after several dormat years. It was the first Sunday in June and I was excited because my sisters were attending. Unfortunately, it was also "Tony Award Sunday" and while they attended, it ended up being rather anti-climatic for me. No drinks or dinner afterwards because they wanted to get home to watch the Tony Awards. I understand; it was the year Bret Michaels got conked on the head with a piece of screnary.

It's Mother's Day, so Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there. Please stop saying it to childless women; it could upset them more than you know. I'd like to wish a happy Mother's Day to my mommy; I miss you.