Ups and Downs

I saw a quote recently that said "If there are no ups and downs in our lives, we are dead" with a picture of an EKG. In that instance, you really want those ups and downs.

In skating, well, not so much. Have you ever worked so hard that five hours later, your body is still angry with you? That was me, last week. Maybe it was because my main coach had been to the Governing Council. Or maybe it was because my former coach was on the session (after years of telling me she couldn't get there at that time...) and I felt I had to prove something. Or maybe if was just because. No, the real reason was a quote from a motivation video I watched: Train insane or expect the same I love that feeling when I've worked hard and things start working. It doesn't matter if it's skating, working out or dropping a pound. It's that wonderful feeling of accomplishing something after weeks, months and years of disappointment and frustration. And it feels good. Sometimes a little painful, but good.

There are so many things I'd like to accomplish this season, beginning with, of course, training, practicing, testing and competing. Having missed so many Adult Nationals, I just want to compete in 2023. I even found out what the dances are for Bronze Solo Dance. Right now, I can do one of them. The other doesn't look too difficult; I just need to pass the last two Pre-Bronze dances (curse you Swing Dance!!). Yes, things were looking up. Then the down occurred. The following week, although I had skated a session where I did nothing but three turns, come time for my lesson and those turns went to visit someone else.

I was told to work so hard that I should be sweating after each and every session. Since it's getting warmer, that's actually easier than I thought. However, while my Moves coach has surgery, she expects me to have these sloppy three turns corrected upon her return... in two weeks. My jumps were working, until my lesson, where my jumps and spins decided to go have coffee together. And they didn't bring any back for me. Either there was height and no rotation or rotation and no height. I did a toe loop that neither I nor my coach were quite sure it left the ice. My sit spin sat and spun but didn't get back up. I had eased up on my off-ice training, which I now see was a mistake. You know how you're told not to compare yourself with others? It's easier when everyone you know ISN'T featured on Adults Skate Too or the USFS Instagram page. Seriously. Six people in the last eighteen months. How is that even possible? No, I don't want to be featured, but three of those people started skating eighteen months ago and have left me in the dust! Okay they're younger and thinner, but still... Yep, life has it many little ups and downs. Let's hope there are more ups in the future than there are downs. Unless it's a sit spin. If that's the case, get down as far as you can and still be able to get up.

Meet Me In The Lutz Corner... Or Better Yet, Don't

Ah the lutz corner. A "safe" place. A place where coaches teach the Bronze and Gold MIF figure eights. A place where coaches teach new moves. A place where most people practice their jumps. A place where annoying people spin. A place where newbies stay and never leave, practicing their crossovers over and over and over and over again. We all were newbies once. I remember practicing my crossovers on the center circle because trying to practice them in the corners was not only wrong, but dangerous. There was a skater who used to buzz me whenever he was setting up a jump. We're friends now; he's even apologized for being such a jerk. But at that time, my wandering into the corner to do anything other than jumping was met with that response. I recently had to tell a little girl that spinning in the corner was dangerous, even if her mother was sitting in the stands on the other side of the wall. When I mentioned it to her mother, who did not believe me, the girl skated over to her coach, who said, "why were you spinning in the corner? We discussed this." One point for me. It's difficult enough trying to set up jumps during a mixed freestyle session. It's hard being a lefty when suddenly everyone jumps in the lefty lutz corner. I haven't figured out the pattern of counter-clockwise skaters aiming for the lefty lutz corner. I may never figure it out. All I know is the area that used to be fairly clear, is now busy. If you look on the website for a few ice rinks, they will display a pattern for freestyle sessions. Toe jumps in the righty lutz corners and edge jumps in the lefty lutz corners. Also teaching in the lefty lutz corners and something called "stand still jumps". Isn't that counter-intuitive? If you want people to jump in the corners but there's someone standing there teaching or doing a stand still jump, doesn't that prevent you from jumping? There's also coaching in the center, where you spin, but that's probably for a different post. And I'm really confused about that one. Last summer at Chelsea Piers, due to the Summer School and the limited freestyle sessions (there are even fewer scheduled for this summer), there were too many people on the ice and everyone and their cousin taught in the "edge jump" corners. I took down one coach and three kids and I don't even skate that fast. Once you're in the air, all bets are off. It's survival of the fittest, or the fastest or the one with the best health insurance. This summer with fewer freestyle sessions scheduled and four tests that I need to prepare for, it's just going to be so much more fun. Hot dog, I can hardly wait. (Insert sarcasm here) There's an Adults Skate Too teeshirt that says "Meet me in the lutz corner". Why? I commented that maybe that wasn't the best thing to put on a teeshirt because it's not the smartest place to "hang out". Their response was laughter. I tried. If you're wearing that shirt, hanging in the lutz corner and you get run over, you have no one to blame but yourself. I was traveling home/work after a session recently with another adult skater, who I consider a friend. She struck a conversation with a child who had just skated the session. Please note, I do not talk to children; I'm not really a fan. My friend was talking about her experience at Adult Nationals and showing the kid pictures. The kid asked if she (meaning me) skated. Hello child. We were just on the ice together. Do not tell me how smart this kid is if she doesn't recognize someone from 15 minutes ago. Anyway, my friend said "Yes she skates, she's always in the corner and really, really slow and not very good any more. She used be fairly good, but now she's not. She used to beat me in competitions." I responded with "And I will again. I beat you the last time we competed against one another." To be honest, she fell on warmup and broke her wrist. However, whiskey-tango-foxtrot, what was that? How dare you? I would never have said those things about her or any other skater. I was shocked and angry and determined. That was on a Tuesday. On Thursday, I worked with my coach and jumped all over creation, even cut her off twice (I don't usually cut anyone off on purpose; I did then.) I mentioned this to my coach, who suggested that we work harder so as to shut her up. I still consider this woman a friend, even if she refuses to believe she's ever wrong (I've proven her wrong several times and she just doesn't acknowledge it) and has been playing the same damnned CD for warmup music since last summer and we are all so bloody sick of it that if I were a different type of person, I would take the CD and break it into a million pieces. This is a woman who will take off someone else's warmup music if she doesn't recognize the songs to put on a CD that none of us can stand any longer. I have made CDs to play for warmup. The last time she tried to take mine off, I told her that no one wanted to hear those same 11 songs we've been listening to for almost a year. Well, you gotta have friends. Adult Nationals have come and gone, once again, without me. I was upset; still am, kind of. I want this to be the last AN without me. Next year's Easterns is in Florida, not my favorite state (the humidity, the heat) and AN is in Salt Lake City. I have four tests to take: Silver MIF, Silver freestyle and two Pre-Bronze dances. All of this during the summer when there are 200 million people on a freestyle session. Don't hang out in the lutz corner; chances are I'll accidentally run into you.

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy

Somehow, the holidays got away from me. If I had another month, I'd be ready for Thanksgiving. A month after that Christmas and New Years. But I missed the deadline, so.... I've changed my music and have one month to prepare for Sectionals. I won't qualify for Nationals because I haven't tested in time. May I say how much I hate back three turns and mohawks? I've given myself the deadline of June for my moves test. Now all I have to do is actually turn a clean back inside three turn and keep my foot up. Who invented these things anyway? And why is it the person who just started skating last week has better three turns than I do? So, I learned the last Pre-Bronze dance... the Fiesta Tango? And it's not so bad. It naturally has a mohawk in it and when I tried it with my coach, we somehow got tangled up with one another. Several moments of laughter later, we tried it again. And it happened again. It's my fault, I'm going in the wrong direction and my poor coach is trying so hard to get around me. The joy of having a male dance coach who is nearly a foot taller than you are (he's 6'4; I'm 5'6) and much stronger is that he won't let me fall. He was a pair skater and is used to not letting the girl fall. That's sweet but I don't mind falling. It's the getting up that's hard! The Swing Dance is also coming along. I probably won't test it in time to go to Nationals, which is fine. I am on the fence as to whether I will continue with dance at all after finishing the Pre-Bronze. I had made a deal with my former coach that I would get to Bronze and decide from there. Well, I'm almost there and I still don't know. Let's see what happens with my Moves In The Field and I'll decide from there. I plan on attending Sectionals and Nationals regardless of whether I participate. I haven't seen an adult competition in a while and it would be good to be in the moment again. I have a friend who keeps telling me that I'd improve faster if I did competitions. She has a point. Sometimes there are people in your world who are not supportive. It would be best to elimiate those people from your circle, but you don't always see what they're doing. You think they are making those suggestions with your best interest in mind. Sometimes they are, sometimes they're not. It is no one's fault but my own that I did not compete for years and I lost my edge. It is difficult to get back because you remember what you were able to do not that long ago. And it hurts when you see that person who you thought was in your corner, push someone else along when you know it should have been you. The only thing to do in those situations is push harder, fight, work and prove them wrong. It's taking longer than I expected, but I have ever intention of proving people wrong. Happy New Year everyone!

Frustration and Determination

One of the groups I follow on Instagram suggested posting ten adult skaters you follow. I viewed everyone's picks and after watching all of the videos, I felt 1000 times worse about my skating than I did the day after I severely sprained my ankle years ago. I felt better when I failed my driving test. I felt better after having to have surgery. In short, I felt awful. I know some of these people and they are improving by leaps and bounds. They started after me and they have left me in the dust. I don't need to follow these people to feel this awful. If I look around during a freestyle session, I can SEE them in person. Hey you, guy with the curly hair, who started a year ago, during the pandemic and now working on an axel, thanks! And you, working on your Gold Moves when I remember when you first showed up at the rink. Thanks to you too. Although you're told not to compare yourself with anyone else, it is difficult not to do so. You see someone who six days ago was struggling to stay upright and now they're doing triple jumps. It hurts. It hurts and you can't figure out why. Not that I'm asking to be as great as Ashley Wagner, Alissa Czisny. Nope. I want my ability from six years ago. Yes, we are all older, but I'm more appreciative and I would really appreciate being that good again. Meanwhile, I'm back to off-ice training. Back to healthy food choices. Back to daily cardio, weight training and stretching. And with all of that, I will be back! On a totally separate note: Stephen Sondheim, genius of musical theatre went home recently and joined his good friend, producer/director Hal Prince and mentor, lyricist Oscar Hammerstein II. Very few people can say they do not know any of the wealthy musical catalogue that was Mr. Sondheim. Some know of West Side Story, Into The Woods and Sweeney Todd, while some know of Follies, Assassins, Anyone Can Whistle, Passion, Merrily We Roll Along, Company, Pacific Overtures, Sunday In The Park With George and A Little Night Music. Regardless of what you know, a brilliant man has graced each one of us with his talent and his passion. Please do not say "So sorry for your loss" because we have ALL loss someone absolutely unique and superb. The heavens have gained another giant from the theatre and we who are left are all the better for having known him through his creations. If you have the opportunity and if PBS will air them again, go watch Company. Or Passion. Or Sunday In The Park With George. Or Into The Woods (not the movie). Or Sweeney Todd (again, not the movie) There you will see the pure genius that is Stephen Sondheim. If possible, listen to the Original Broadway Cast recordings where you will hear every ounce of passion written into every song, knowing that you are listening to the person and the voice the song was written for. That's what he did and he did it brilliantly. We will miss you Mr. Sondheim. Your wit, your style and flair, your ability to write a complicated underscore, your unconventional manner of ending a song, your ability to take a subject that no one thought would "sing" and make it sing. We will miss the projects you weren't able to finish and always wonder what might have been. "What's hard is simple, what's natural come hard Maybe you could show me how to let go Lower my guard, learn to be free Maybe if you whistle, whistle for me."* Thank you Mr. Sondheim. *Anyone Can Whistle" Music and lyrics by Stephen Sondheim -1964

Ramblings

Yesterday, I found out a coach at my rink passed away. Impossible, I thought. I just saw her. But no, I last saw her in August and she did indeed pass away. Where does the time go? Today, a co-worker who I really enjoyed working with, left my team (we have teams at my job, like we're all playing Center Field for the NY Mets) and moved over to another team where previously another co-worker moved to. I'm sure it's a lighter workload and after eighteen months of working on my team (which I do not "own". I am a worker bee, not the queen) she saw the opportunity and grabbed it. Can't say I blame her, but I'll miss her just the same. Yes, she still works for the company, but I will miss seeing weekly pictures of her cats dressed up in baby clothes. Don't ask. I have not been keeping to my skating schedule lately. Between coaches out of town, headaches and just general ennui, I have been skipping sessions left, right and center. I have continued working out, but I think my diet might be contradicting the efforts of a 30 minute workout. Maybe I need more sleep. Maybe we ALL need more sleep. How is it that Daylight Savings Time only generates more sleep for the first two nights and then your body gets used to it and you aren't getting that additional hour? Recently, I saw a posting on Instagram about a tee-shirt for sale online that said "Meet me in the Lutz corner". I replied, "No, stay OUT of the Lutz corner. That's not a place to congregate." They wrote back: "He he." He he?? What is it about the Lutz corner? Is it the big red circles that aid in finding your center when practicing your eights for the Bronze and Gold Adult Moves in the Field tests? I have never seen anyone allowed to do those figures on the red circle in the corner, so I'm a bit confused as to why everyone practices it there. Suddenly everyone places their jumps in the lefty Lutz corner, another thing I don't understand. Between someone laying out a figure and someone else doing jumps, I can't figure out what is so attractive about the lefty Lutz corner. Please don't say no one uses it because apparently, they do. Outdoor rinks will be opening soon and I can't wait to wave so long to the kids who spin in the lutz corners. Some rinks allow that; there was a rink in Westchester where you spun in the corners opposite from the Zamboni. That made no sense to me because... well just because. Spinning in the corners or in the track are hazzards. And they're in my way. Next week I will make every effort to skate my four days. I was thinking about doing two sessions on one or maybe two days per week. For now, one step at a time: I'll get up for a practice session. Or three...

Comfort

Sometimes, I don't understand other people's logic. I was watching a video on YouTube about an adult's progress in skating. Good for her. She had just about mastered the mechanics of forward crossovers when the pandemic shut down the world. So she decided to continue working on quad skates (or rollerblades). Great. So what does she post? Herself attempting axels off-ice on the ground. Honey, you can't do a backward crossover or ANY jumps. Why would you try to do an off-ice axel? What is the logic? "I can't drive a car, but I'm going to enter the INDY 500"? I suppose since she didn't try it on the ice (yet) it's okay. I see these types of skaters everywhere. It doesn't help when their coach is having them try things beyond their skill set. Can't hold a back outside edge? Here, try doing counters and rockers. Can't land a Salchow? No worries, this is how you do a double flip. Can't do a two-foot spin? That's fine; try a flying camel. Maybe I'm too logical. Recently while skating, I stopped to catch my breath. I was in the "peak" zone for my heart rate and was sweating quite nicely. A coach to whom I only say "good morning" to suggested that I get out of my comfort zone. My reply was "okay" with a mental shrug. "You need to get out of your comfort zone and get fit. You are not fit." He then suggested his off-ice program on Saturday mornings. I mentioned that the only day I really sleep in is Saturdays to which he told me that I "don't want it enough." He repeated that I was not fit and suggested that I toughen up. Well, damn. I wonder what he would have said if he actually KNEW me. "You're a slow-ass cow who needs to move her pork-butt faster on the ice and take more risks"?? I cannot imagine. This is a coach who pushes his students way beyond their skill level. This is good and bad. Good because they have very little fear. They fall on a regular basis, get up and try again. Bad because they also get hurt. I've seen some injuries I can't comprehend. Most of the skaters with those incomprehensible injuries are never seen again. What price glory? Yes, we all should step out of our comfort zone. Take that leap of faith and try. We'll fall. We'll fail. We'll curse. 70% of the time, we'll try again. 30% of the time, we'll try something else. Life is about taking a risk, a calculated risk. I cannot swim, so I won't try to do the Ironman Competition. I can ride a bike and although I hate it, I can run. Two out of three; not bad. But I still will not sign up for the Ironman Competition. I can skate; not like Ashley Wagner, but I can do some stuff. Every session, I try to push myself a little harder. Jump higher. Go into a jump faster. Stop looking down. Decrease the travel on a spin. Increase the revolutions on a spin. Remember the pattern of a dance (okay, still having a hard time with the Swing Dance and I haven't learned the other one... what is the name of that one... Not the ChaCha... Oh well...) But every session the comfort zone is pushed back, even if it's just a little.

One Moment In Time

I have just paid for my membership to a new skating club. My old skating club was disbanded and I feel as though I've lost a friend. When I began skating, I tried to join my current skating club and was told they did not accept adult skaters as members. Fast forward to June and they are welcoming me with open arms. How the tables have turned. My old club was like that old movie "The Bad News Bears"; a rag-tag group of decent to pretty good skaters who never got a break. We never won major competitions, we never even placed, but we had some talented skaters. We were our own little family and we always joined together to do what we could to help one another. When I was short on funds, the club understood and let me pay off my sessions. I was the fill-in Ice Monitor until the club Vice President arrived. I would open up the club room and boil water so anyone who came in could have hot cocoa or tea. The number dwindled and the City of NY sold the building, tearing down the rink. Yes, another rink was built in its place, but it wasn't the same. The club sessions were gone. The Vice Presidenent and her family moved away. The club became a shadow of what it once was. There were so few members that I registered my family for membership, even though no one skated except me. I kept my deceased mother's membership valid for two years after her passing to keep the club going. A few years ago, when I checked, the club had three active, competitive members and I was one of them. The club president moved away and the club has been dissolved. I can still hear the laughter from the club room, the smell of cocoa. I can still feel that wobbily feeling one got when they landed a jump a little too close to what we called the "bullpen". It was a strip of ice that dipped down significantly, but it wasn't near the Zamboni, it was near the penalty box. I remember our holiday parties and the club Vice President and how sweet and kind she was. My old friend who moved away, got married and no longer speaks to me because her husband (who met me once) doesn't like me. Practicing jumps on the subway platform and spraining my ankle. None of the people who I skated with at those sessions are still on the ice. The kids have grown up and off of the ice. Ths coaches have have either retired or moved on and in at least two cases, passed away. It was a special moment in time for which I have no pictures or videos. We were all too busy living the moment to document it in any way, shape or form. Now I have a new skating club. One with prestige, a pedigree and former National Champions. It's great to be a part of something big, but I can't help but miss my Monday and Friday night sessions with that crazy gang. Wherever you are my former club-mates, I wish you well. "I want one moment in time When I'm more than I thought I could be When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away And the answers are all up to me Give me one moment in time When I'm racing with destiny Then in that one moment of time I will feel I will feel eternity..." One Moment in Time by Albert Hammond and John Bettis