Happy Holidays

With everything that has happened in my world in the past six/seven months from losing my job to having injured feet to losing three people, then falling into a depression, I can say it's been rough. But I've been lucky because a few readers have sent me notes of encouragement and concern. I thank you. I still don't have a job, my feet still hurt, I'm still fat, my back still hurts 24/7 and my skating is an extremely slow work in progress. I'm trying. It's a daily challenge, but so is everyone else's life. So, I take this moment to wish everyone out there there the happiest holidays ever. Laugh as much as you can. Dance like no one is looking (because chances are they aren't looking). Sing when you want to. Love when you can. Happy Chanukah! Merry Christmas! Happy Kwanzaa! Happy New Year! Happy Skating! See you next year.

Alyssa Joy Stith

About 10 years ago, I taught group lessons to a bunch of girls from Harlem, NY. It was a challenge on many levels; one of which was the 2 hour subway/bus ride to get home. But, for the most part, the girls were sweet and the other instructors were great. This brings me to Alyssa Joy Stith; one of the instructors. She was a competitive figure skater. She was talented. She was sweet. She was a great choreographer for kids. I lost track of her when I was in mourning for my mother and she was getting married. The last thing I said to her was "I'll see you soon, I promise." Alyssa Joy Stith, figure skater, passed away on November 30th. I don't know the details. All I know is that a dear woman has left this world and we're all a little emptier for her departure. This year, I have lost too many friends/co-workers/colleagues. I can't do this right now. It's really just too much. Toss in the holidays and well... you can guess how I feel right now. Exercise helps. But really, I wish people would just stop dying for a while...

Hard Thing To Get Through

I'm not in a good place. I can't shake this feeling of despair, affectionately known as depression. I've been here before. I have no desire to skate. Or get out of bed. Daily showering is an effort. Most days I don't leave my apartment, even to get the mail. I've lost a few pounds because eating is an effort too. So is sleeping. Drinking isn't. There's hope that this will pass quickly and my tolerance for being around other people will dissipate. I have the time to skate, but absolutely no desire. I'm taking some time off to re-evaluate my life. It might be a short period of time, it might be a longer period of time; I don't know. In the meantime, Happy Thanksgiving all. "Hard to tell you How I feel Everything is so unreal. Lord, this life Is a hard thing to get through... And harder still To leave..." HOW I FEEL from The Me Nobody Knows. Music by Gary William Friedman and lyrics by Will Holt.

Challenge

I had this crazy idea to skate every single day for two weeks. Well, maybe not every day because there isn't a session I can make on Saturdays because of school. So ALMOST every single day for two weeks. And not just skate, but actually get some stuff done. It boggles my mind that after years of performing in musical theatre, I get shy and uncomfortable when someone watches me skate. I really need to get over that; it's not helping. It's actually making things worse. And speaking of things getting worse... I must announce something not even my physician knows: I am 5'6 1/4 inches tall. And I weigh 186 1/2 pounds. I shouldn't weigh more than 140 pounds, which means I am almost 50 pounds overweight. I mention this only because my extra weight is impeding on my skating progress due to the outrageous amount of pain I end up in after a skate. This ends today. So, on top of skating everyday for two weeks, I will also be working out twice a day, eating healthy and looking for a job. Oy!

Accountable

I had an interview today for a company I can only describe as a Ponzi Scheme. It might not be, but when I left the two hour presentation, my stomach hurt and not because I hadn't had any coffee. If a company you have never applied to, calls you up and tells you you're exactly what they're looking for, but doesn't really tell you the name of the company, proceed with caution. Migraine headaches prevented me from skating on Monday and Tuesday. My Wednesday night lesson was canceled and it's raining cats and dogs here in NYC. The next ice day will be Friday since I have an appointment with Unemployment to determine that I am indeed looking for work. As a side-bar: it's sometimes very depressing to be unemployed after so many years. I have again returned to monitoring the sessions on Sunday morning. This past Sunday, I got ten whole minutes on the ice. I must find somewhere to purchase a whistle; I can't keep screaming "CLEAR THE ICE!!!" every week. I asked a coach (not mine) how to pass my MIF. He said he hadn't really seen me skate in years, so he didn't know. I mentioned that due to back issues, I had a problem twisting on the back inside three turn. His response? "How much twisting do you need to do with your back? Turn your foot." He then told me he has the same problem with his back (degenerative joint disease) and to "suck it up". Well DAMN! I have been schooled!! This also brings me to something I saw on TV today. A woman always wanted to be a cheerleader for the New Orleans Saint football team. After three (I think) kids, an incurable kidney issue, and being 40 years old, she tried out for the squad. She got a call-back and then another. Long story short, she made the squad and is now the oldest cheerleader for The Saints. What's my point? I have no real excuse. I may have a creaky back, but I can stand. I may not have a job, but I have a roof over my head and enough money to pay my bills and skate. Public sessions early in the morning aren't crowded, I can get used to that. And not being inside my home all day will prevent me from eating everything in sight. I'm trying to be more accountable and have fewer excuses. If I can dream it, I can achieve it. "Throw me a rope to grab on to. Help me to prove that I'm strong. Give me the chance to look forward to sayin': "Hey. listen, they're playing my song." "Play me the music. Give me the chance to come through. All I ever needed was the music, and the mirror, And the chance to dance..." ** **The Music and the Mirror from "A Chorus Line" Music by Marvin Hamlisch. Lyrics by Edward Kleban.

But Alive

My Thursday night freestyle session is no more. The rink sold the ice time to hockey. Surprise, surprise, surprise. Off to another rink: World Ice. A facility that shares space with a swimming pool. One day, I will get my courage up and try again to learn to swim. Yes, I know, most people CAN swim. And no, it has nothing to do with race; it has more to do with opportunity. While most kids were learning to swim at camp, I was either at Church Camp, or in theatre camp. There's no swimming in Church Camp (bathing suits can be sinful) and in theatre camp, I was too busy learning lyrics, dance steps and lines. On to skating... The session before I skated was the Power Skating session. Every single little girl on the session skated the session I was on. It was like they were hyped up on sugar. Arms and legs were flying across the ice, and sadly, not one of them had any control whatsoever. I have never figured out why a coach would teach a skater an axel when she can't hold an outside edge, do a three turn or stroke properly. But what a great looking axel she has! Arriving at the rink 40 minutes early allowed me the opportunity to actually warm up before skating. What a novel concept! Performing exercises to warm up my aching muscles so I don't end up in so much pain that it hurts to take a breath! Someone alert the media! Somehow, even with arriving 40 minutes early, I got on the ice 5 minutes late. Hmmm.... Before I go any further, I would like to say that 99% of the skaters on the ice did not look where they were going. How bad was it? Two crashes; I had nothing to do with either of them. There was a near-miss involving me; a girl skated right at me while looking back at her parents. I moved; she hit the wall. Left back inside three turn, you have met your match and I am she!!! Yes, that's right. My left back inside three turn has returned, and it is never leaving me again. Ha ha!! I have found you!! Right back inside three turn, you are next. I have my eye on you! And you, backspin, we will meet again soon. And I will be triumphant!! I have the position, I have the hook, I have one revolution. It is a matter of time before I have you in my hands... or feet. I think I may start to tape my practices. All of this progress left me limping from pain, unfortunately. I wonder if my foot pain is gout. I don't know anyone with gout, so I must rely on the internet to determine whether that's what it is. I mention it only because my foot has been throbbing for three hours and no amount of ice is helping. This Sunday is the send-off party to those little ones going to North Atlantics. They get to do their programs snd then attend a party. I get to announce their names. Since I have all this time off, I believe I will go to the $5.00 daily public session. It starts at 9:00, so it eliminates many people who have to be somewhere else. Who knows? I may be telling you about my right back inside three turn next week. One last thing: coach said I was too good a skater to allow back three turns and outside mohawks to prevent me from taking a passing this test. A vote of confidence!!!! Now I dance!!! "I feel groggy and weary and tragic Punchy and bleary and fresh out of magic But alive, but alive, but alive! I feel twitchy and bitchy and manic Calm and collected and choking with panic But alive, but alive, but alive!" But Alive from "Applause". Music by Charles Strouse. Lyrics by Lee Adams.

Highballs

My last session left me in a great deal of pain. This is probably because of the intense workout I did earlier in the day. Had much pain? I still hurt and I skated three days ago. Add to the pain, a bad sinus headache and some depression and you have three days without skating. It's okay; I live in a duplex apartment (it's really a house that was marketed as a duplex) and I've been going up and down the stairs, very slowly. I surprised my coach by slowly performing a proper backspin with a total of 2 1/2 revolutions. We were both thrilled. My backspin success prompted her to allow me to try harder jumps. My disappearing flip jump almost returned, short of those crossed feet, causing me to land all the way around... on two feet. Grrrr.... Feeling like I couldn't lose, after my lesson, after faithfully practicing my moves again, I decided a camel spin was in order. I had speed, I had flow... I had a back spasm and my skating was over for the day. As I limped home, I thought more about the adult competition I wanted to plan. After receiving my exciting 9 responses (yes, 9), I thought about forgetting the whole thing. Why should I bust my hump trying to plan, plead and organize a competition when I couldn't even get a dozen people to respond to my query about an interest. Perhaps I continue because I'm stubborn. Or maybe it's just to spite the people who refused to respond; I don't know. What I do know is that I can no longer discuss it with the other ice monitor who I occasionally share a ride to the rink with. She's tired of hearing about it. How do I know? She told me this afternoon while we were working on a club event. She said skating was for the young and the club really didn't care about the adults because the money was in the kids. Point taken. However, the kids come and go; adults stay. Or they would, if they received any kind of respect. Three adult skaters have left that club because of the lack of opportunities and respect. This alone is one reason why it is not my home club. While my home club has no ice time, at least they treat me well. From my 9 responses, one suggested that I organize a competition in November. Hello?? Ever hear of a little thing called Easterns? One of my favorite lyrics comes from the show listed below. The lyric? "Keep your eyeball on the highball in your hand." "As we stumble along 'cross life's crowded dance floors. As we push and we shove we live and we learn. And when we finally leave the bar, And we see that morning star, we pull our boot straps up and homeward turn..."** As We Stumble Along from The Drowsy Chaperone. Music and lyrics by Lisa Lambert and Greg Morrison.