Feelings... Nothing More Than Feelings...

My last post was written about three weeks ago but I had forgotten to click "publish". Since I had already written it, I figured I should just post it. Haven't we all had those moments when we thought "this relationship isn't working out and we should break up"? And then we decide to try to make it work. Here I am, trying to make it work. Skating, like so many other things in life, has its ups and downs. You can do element X on Tuesday, but it disappears on Thursday and doesn't return until the next month. It's frustrating. It's heartbreaking. Sometimes it makes you want to chuck your skates into the nearest body of water, walk away and not look back. You're constantly being told not to compare yourself with someone else, but when you see others who started after you who have improved and gone on to pass you by, you can't help but feel a little sad, frustrated, angry, hopeless... whatever. When things do work correctly, you are dancing on a cloud, the euphoria is intoxicating. But when you least expect it, the rug is pulled out from under you and you literally fall on your backside. Getting up and trying it again sometimes causes a different result. And the feelings start all over again. I am unsure what will stop this daily roller coaster of emotions, euphoria and frustration. Skate more sessions? Stop thinking so much? Lose 65 pounds? Well, probably that one, yes. Try to stop comparing yourself to others? An international adult competition will be held in Lake Placid, NY next month without me. So many competitions have come and gone without me. I am wondering when I will return to the level I was at just a few years ago. I believe I will return to that level. Until that time, I will keep on trying. There's an adult competition in Washington DC I'd like to do. If I can simply get the confidence of both my coaches, I would appreciate it. I'm trying to be optimistic and not as negative as usual. I'm also trying to accept Ice Dancing; still not my favorite thing in the world. My goal for the next two months is to get back to where I was when my skates killed my feet; I could skate, I could jump and spin, just not for long. That's my goal. I've grown tired of buying tickets and not attending the show.