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Where in the Sam Hill have I been? It's been longer than a minute since I posted; life kind of got in the way, along with the holidays. So, happy holidays! I actually wrote several blogs by hand but never typed them into the system, so if you will indulge me, I will now give you the short version of all of these entries... Keep in mind, this was around the holidays... I belong to two figure skating groups on Facebook; both about competitive adults. Due to a post about figure skating decorations, a rather heated, mean-spirited debate occurred. Personally, I find figure skating decorations, nick nacks, etc, really fun. From sheets to cups to holiday ornaments, I think it's all fun. Thanks to one group, I now have a new skating mug that doesn't have a blond haired girl doing a counter-clockwise layback spin. But something triggered people in the group. Something about a store that I have never heard of before (I'm not sure it's in my neck of the woods) upset people. I looked up the controversy and all I will say is that the privately owned company is ultra-conservative regarding women's reproductive rights. Do I agree? No. Am I going to berate someone for going to that store? No. It's your money. Skating merchandise on a Facebook page about adult skaters I have no problem with. What I don't want to see on that page is your child skating or doing anything else. Post it to your own page please; I don't care. This is, after all, a page about and for ADULT competitive figure skaters. With that in mind, because someone used the words "recreational skater", it triggered yet still another big, ugly, mean-spirited debate. Those two words upset one (and really only one) member of the group so much that he (I checked) beat the original poster to the ground, stating that this was a competitive group and if you were a recreational skater that you should find another group. The person who wrote those snarky comments hasn't competed in several years and his Facebook page doesn't mention skating at all. Was that a fair definition? Aren't we all, in some respect, recreational? I found the following definition for recreation: Recreation is an activity of leisure, leisure being discretionary time. The "need to do something for recreation" is an essential element of human biology and psychology. Recreational activities are often done for enjoyment, amusement, or pleasure and are considered to be "fun". Unless you also teach skating or are being paid to do a show, isn't that what we are all doing? We all started the same way with "push, glide, push, glide." Struggled with crossovers or turns and stops. Celebrated our first jumps and spins and our first "real" costumes. It was wrong for the triggered individual to go off on the original poster, who had just joined the group and I believe has already left it. I don't care what you call me; I've probably been called it already. That takes me to the Holiday Show I skated in. How can I describe it? The drawing of an old-time train wreck would not download, but that describes it. It all started with none of my skating dresses fitting. My sister was kind enough to go to a dance store and buy me a skirt and a leotard. They didn't fit either. She picked up the largest they had. The leotard fit (thank you spandex), the skirt did not. I found out that the skirt didn't fit the day of the show. No worries, I added some ribbon and tied the skirt to me. Okay, crisis number 1 adverted. I arrive at the rink. Parents, stop giving every adult the stink-eye. I don't care what your kid does, really, I don't. And I don't see you on the ice, so shut up. I'm in the locker room getting dressed (I had on most of my clothes) and a mother is looking at me like I'm going to cook her kid and eat the kid for lunch. I continue listening to my music, trying my best to calm my nerves. You see, I had only skated the program twice to music and was basically making it us as I went. That proved to be a poor choice. My knees were knocking during the warmup. When a kid who didn't reach my hop did a double/double combination, I thought "this was a bad idea". But it was too late; I paid $40 and I was going through with it. The sound system at the rink (at all rinks now that I think about it) wasn't very good. I lost track of who was skating and suddenly it was my turn, but I didn't know it. In my defense, they did mispronounce my name. I pulled off my jacket, forgot to take off my gloves and skated the WORSE PROGRAM OF MY LIFE. I managed to do one jump and no spins. And when it was over, I think I took a bow, skated off, got my bag, changed my clothes went home and had a drink. When I mentioned it to my coach, she said, "well you never practiced it." Touche. This brings us to more recent events. I signed up for a competition at the end of March because I enjoy torturing myself. My music was the second movement in Fancy Free by Leonard Bernstein. My coach and I had a massive difference of opinion about whether or not I felt the music. I simply hated her cheorgraphic choices; I am not a bunny hop person. She suggested the program that was to be my free dance (had I taken the Bronze dances and were going to Nationals; I'm not). She said it was more "dancy" because I wasn't going to get many points for my technical elements (thank you for those kind words). I remembered an old program, but couldn't find the cd, so I downloaded it and cut it, badly, but cut it and sent it to her. It's slow, very slow, funeral dirge slow. I'm waiting to be told it's too fast. My next choice will be one long whole note for two minutes. I have had some confidence issues because of work, school, skating and my weight. It doesn't help to have your coach constantly tell you how good another skater is, especially when at one point, you were better than her. It doesn't help to have someone constantly ask you what you're eating. It doesn't help to have a manager tell you you're wrong all the time, even if it's not your work. I'm working very hard on improving my confidence, I just need everyone to mind their business and shut the freak up. So this brings you up to speed. I'm still here, still a lefty (have you ever tried doing footwork opposite the flow of traffic during a crowded session? It's like playing Frogger. Look it up.), still fat, still trying. "Good times and bum times, I've seen them all and my dear I'm still here. Plush velvet sometimes Sometimes just pretzels and beer But I'm here I've run the gamut, A to Z Three cheers and dammit, c'est la vie I got through all of last year And I'm here Lord knows, at least I've been there And I'm here Look who's here I'm still here" * *I'm Still Here by Stephen Sondheim from the musical Follies - 1971.