Yeah.... Right....

Part of me can't get past the fact that Hollywood is remaking West Side Story. It's a movie of that time; I can't imagine how badly they will screw it up. On to skating. My out-of-town skating friends think I should drop Amy as a coach. She has close to zero confidence in my skating, hence, all the dance lessons. When I began skating, I was told that if you can't jump, you dance. If you can't dance, you do synchro. This is not necessarily true, but those words circle my brain every single dance lesson. I'm told I have a great line for dance. Lovely. Doesn't that mean I also have a great line for freestyle? I've spent a lot of time dancing; my freestyle has suffered because of it. The ability to step into a spin seems to elude me. I used to be able to spin in a half tied skate and now, I can't even step into one correctly. I'm going to blame this on my weight and lack of core strength; it makes me feel better. Rather than busting my bottom to finish the pre-Bronze dances so I can go to Nationals, I've decided not to go. I want to go to Nationals, but on my terms and my terms include a freeskate program. I'll do the solo freedance, but I will also do a freeskate. I'm not traveling to wherever, just to do a program I don't want to do. And if I never pass my Silver Moves or Freestyle, then so be it; I'm out. You have all heard me complain about how much I dislike ice dancing. I made a deal with myself to finish the pre-Bronze and after that, no more. I hate right inside mohawks (heck, I hate mohawks), it's impossible to get through a dance on most of the sessions I skate and music... UGH! Who picks that stuff? It's awful. I like old music, don't get me wrong, but it's two steps away from organ music of the 1950s. So the pressure is off for April and Nationals. There are two competitions I would really like to do. I will send my music to Marc and see if I have a vote of no-confidence from him. Meantime, I am looking for better and tolerable ice dancing music: Rhythm Blues and the Swing Dance. Until next time...

Feelings... Nothing More Than Feelings...

My last post was written about three weeks ago but I had forgotten to click "publish". Since I had already written it, I figured I should just post it. Haven't we all had those moments when we thought "this relationship isn't working out and we should break up"? And then we decide to try to make it work. Here I am, trying to make it work. Skating, like so many other things in life, has its ups and downs. You can do element X on Tuesday, but it disappears on Thursday and doesn't return until the next month. It's frustrating. It's heartbreaking. Sometimes it makes you want to chuck your skates into the nearest body of water, walk away and not look back. You're constantly being told not to compare yourself with someone else, but when you see others who started after you who have improved and gone on to pass you by, you can't help but feel a little sad, frustrated, angry, hopeless... whatever. When things do work correctly, you are dancing on a cloud, the euphoria is intoxicating. But when you least expect it, the rug is pulled out from under you and you literally fall on your backside. Getting up and trying it again sometimes causes a different result. And the feelings start all over again. I am unsure what will stop this daily roller coaster of emotions, euphoria and frustration. Skate more sessions? Stop thinking so much? Lose 65 pounds? Well, probably that one, yes. Try to stop comparing yourself to others? An international adult competition will be held in Lake Placid, NY next month without me. So many competitions have come and gone without me. I am wondering when I will return to the level I was at just a few years ago. I believe I will return to that level. Until that time, I will keep on trying. There's an adult competition in Washington DC I'd like to do. If I can simply get the confidence of both my coaches, I would appreciate it. I'm trying to be optimistic and not as negative as usual. I'm also trying to accept Ice Dancing; still not my favorite thing in the world. My goal for the next two months is to get back to where I was when my skates killed my feet; I could skate, I could jump and spin, just not for long. That's my goal. I've grown tired of buying tickets and not attending the show.

Maybe We Should Break Up

Lately, skating has become like that boyfriend whom you love, but doesn't love you back. You give and give and give and you get nothing in return. Sometimes I think we should break up. Summer is nearly over and what do I have to show for it? The steady progress I was making in skating has taken a hiatus after a nasty fall on my knees. How nasty? After years of skating, I have purchased knee pads. I found them on a dance website and thought I'd give it a try. They seem thin, yet padded enough to dance knee slides and knee turns. Great, non-evasive. The second rink at Chelsea Piers has finally finished the renovations. After enduring weeks of sessions with over 30 skaters and 18 coaches, a second rink will come in handy. There's something a little crazy about 30 skaters of different levels on the same ice at 7:00am. This one is doing double axels while this one is doing bunny hops. Soon it will be over. However, with or without extra people on the ice, my skating has collapsed. I am stopping myself when jumping, I can't seem to step into a spin and the mandatory mohawk in the Swing Dance is never on time with the music. Recently, I took a week off from skating with the hope that I would return with a clearer head. No such luck. My skating is just as bad today as it was when I took the time off. Maybe we should break up. Usually, I have a game plan prior to arriving at the rink. My outlook is relatively positive and I have a list of things I plan to work on. With 30 skaters on the ice, those plans usually go up in smoke. So much so that I have never successfully skated the Rhythm Blues. Nope, not once. I'm sure a lot of my issues are dependent on my weight. Everything seems to be about my weight so much so that I'm sick of talking about it. I even watched a video about teaching a camel spin to a kid who had no core strength to try to incorporate those tips into my own camel spin. It didn't quite work. Maybe we should break up.

Summer!!!

To quote an old Alice Cooper song, "School's Out for Summer!" I am free!! It's been a very difficult year. One sister had surgery, the other sister got hurt because of all the work she did for our move. We moved. I failed a class and by fail, I mean I didn't get a B or better, which is what you must achieve to not fail the class. I grew to really hate my job because no matter how hard I tried, I was always wrong. (I'm talking about something that was right on Tuesday, was now wrong on Friday. Same thing; different day.) I became incredibly depressed, thoughts of suicide flooded my head. I couldn't sleep. I didn't want to eat. And well, everything suffered. I told my manager how much I hated working there and if she wanted to fire me, she could. Then she realized that my co-worker was going into the hospital for an extended period of time and I was it. That and whatever was going on in her life may have settled down. I don't know. I do know that I'm looking for another job. So, skating. Strangely, my deep depression didn't really hamper my skating. If anything, not eating seemed to help. I am landing jumps again and being much bolder. I still have a long way to go to return to my earlier skills (and by earlier I mean before I purchased these particular skates). However, it's slow and steady. What has happened since our last discussion? I, the reluctant ice dancer, took my first two Preliminary Dances: The Dutch Waltz and the Canasta Tango. I passed! I took the test during a freestyle session. As my jump coach Marc, who is also partnered me through the test, guided me through the test, we got off pattern because an adult male skater thought the best place to work on his axel was the track. The judge congratulated me on avoid the skater in the track. HA! Meanwhile, I have been choreographing my new program. I really want to skate that international competition in Lake Placid this October. How much? I'm on an eating plan, a workout plan and I practice as much as I can. I am doing spin, kettlebell, stretch and a 30 day 100 ab exercise challenge. I already have the dress; heck, I have a dozen dresses, purchased for competitions I ended up not doing. THOSE DAYS ARE GONE! On another note, my coach is so concentrated on these stupid dances, that I haven't had a lesson on my moves in months. Oddly, they're getting better because I practice them and use them as a warm up before dancing or jumping. My spins had gone to visit other people because of my lack of core strength. But that's improving. I will on the ice tomorrow and promise to try not to be away so long. I need to get these moves so I can test them and prove a point to myself: that I can. Meanwhile, I have to make a salad, with oranges, because I don't get enough vitamin C.

Freestyle

Back in the dark ages when I first started skating, I finished all of the levels of group lessons and wanted more. I had private lessons during public sessions and then my coach suggested that I skate the early morning patch and freestyle sessions. I was a young adult and thrilled that this extremely strict coach thought I was good enough to skate those sessions. I couldn't wait to sign up. The Skating School Director had reservations. In order to skate the freestyle sessions, I had to prove my worth. Basically, I had to audition for the privilege to give a rink my hard (very hard) earned money. So, there I was, on the ice, demonstrating that I could do all the necessary basic moves of crossovers, turns, stops and freestyle moves of jumps and spins. Although they had their doubts because I was and still am a lefty, they reluctantly gave me permission to skate with the good skaters on freestyle sessions. The young skaters who skated with me on the ice, spent the first month or so, landing jumps as close to me as they could to see if I would flinch. I stopped flinching and skating near the boards when I received my first program about three months later. I bring this up only because yesterday, I skated a session where there were ten skaters who could not skate at all. Not just freestyle, I mean not at all. Zero. Zip. Nada. I'm talking marching, walking and tripping across the ice. And generally just being in the way. What happened to having to know how to actually SKATE before being on a freestyle session? Sessions like that are just expensive public sessions with programs being played. UGH! My fellow adult skaters and I took down several of these skaters, not on purpose (kinda) because we'd be doing something and suddenly BANG! There they were. I had lined up a jump, stepped forward and totally didn't see that little boy OR his sister. Amazing how easily they go down and pop back up. So, what happened to having to know how to skate prior to being allowed to skate a freestyle session? Is it now all about money and safety be damned? Years ago, a kid kept spinning in the corner, her early trials of a camel spin. A male skater, probably a senior in high school, tried three times to do a jump in that corner. Finally, he got angry, caught her free leg and said, "Don't spin in the corner." She never did again. Where is that guy now?

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Computer

Back in December, of LAST year, I started a post about where the time had disappeared to. Well, now it's April and I'm just getting back to that post. Seriously, where DID the time go? So here's what's been going on... 1. School is kicking my butt. You must get a B in a class in order to go on to the next level. I got C in one of my classes, so I have to repeat that class. (I can continue with the other classes, just not that one until next autumn) As a result of getting a C in my Interpreting class (I also have theory classes), the confidence in my signing skills is not what it used be. I hesitate before I sign now, something I never did before. My interpreting teacher (who is hearing) said flat out that I wasn't very good. This is the same woman who evaluated me for the program and accepted me. WHATEVER!!!! Ironically, in my theory, taught by a Deaf professor, she thought I was a CODA (Child Of Deaf Adult) and had been signing my whole life. Seriously whatever... 2. Work: Since my classes are after work, I have arrive to work early and I leave early. My manager actually said, "I don't care if you never make it to school. It has nothing to do with your job so I don't care." Well thank you. So I don't mention school at all. I did mention the comment to Human Resources though. And I'm trying to transfer to another department. 3. And now finally skating. Let me just say that EVERYTHING is easier when you weigh less. I've lost a few pounds; nothing to write home about, but I can feel it in my bones (which still kinda hurt from the extra weight). My jumps are returning; I need to make them bigger. Marc, my jump coach, said I was too tall and too long legged to have little hoppy jumps. He's right. So I'm working on making them bigger. My salchow has never been my favorite jump; still isn't. But it has returned, along with my toe loop and loop jump. My flip jump, which used to send me into extreme pain, if I can just stay in, is a really high jump. I haven't tried a lutz yet, but I feel it coming. Spins were something that were natural to me. I guess being slightly dizzy naturally made them easy. I need my core strength to get my spins back because they have gone to visit other people and have not returned. I am, however, getting not one but TWO revolutions on my back spin about 22% of the time. Two of the three Preliminary dances are ready to test. Poor Marc, my jump coach, gets to take me through those dances. Now, all I have to do is remember the re-start, not look down and remember to breathe. So easy and yet so hard. 4. My sisters and I have moved. It was HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Probably one of the worse moving experiences I have ever had. Mostly because I am a slob. And according to one of my sisters, I have too much stuff. I work in an office, have to dress daily (well I do work from home on 2 of those days) so I cant wear jeans to work everyday. I have to dress in business clothes, not suits, but acceptable business attire. During the move, I kinda stretched that a bit and it was noticed that some of my outfits weren't exactly work appropriate. But I'm settling into my new, much smaller bedroom. I can make it work. 5. Exercise. I have returned to working out. I can get some core strength back; I'm determined. I didn't go to Adult Nationals again this year. Amy has basically abandoned my MIF test for ice dancing. She has no confidence that I will ever pass a Silver MIF or freestyle test, hence Marc. I have reached out to my old teacher who can fix anyone's moves to make them pass. She's a bit cranky, but she gets the job done. I need to practice more. Not this weekend; it's Easter. Next weekend, I can skate on Saturday and Sunday and I will. Gotta cut my music for a program so I have something to aim for. It is not ice dancing, which I do for stamina and flow, but it's not very interesting and I'm not really a fan. That's about it for now. Sorry I've been MIA for so long. Need to set up my desktop because my laptop is only for school. I have a video to do for school and about 4 hour of work for work to do. Yes, I bring work home and do it over the weekend. It's the only way I can keep up. Also, if I don't my manager will send me a nasty email on a Sunday morning at 6:30 asking why something wasn't done. Yes, you read that correctly. Sunday morning. 6:30. Until next time...

Autumn Day

Lately, I have the opening credits of an old '90s cartoon show stuck in my head. Anyone remember "Ren and Stimpy"? Can't get it out of my head and I only watched the first season of that weird and wacky show. Today, I had the best practice I have had in weeks. Thank you NYC Marathon for preventing so many people from driving to the rink. Thank you Intercollegiate Competitions and Monsey, NY for occupying the skaters from NYU, preventing them from coming to the rink. Thank you Daylight Savings Time for causing people to oversleep. Lastly, thank you skating club that I used to ice monitor for, for beginning your Sunday sessions today. All of you assisted in my awesome skate this morning because you weren't there to hog the ice, refuse to move, play annoying music and just generally be there. Appreciate it! We MUST do it again. Was able to get through two patterns of the two dances that I know, twice, without error. And on time with the music. Yes, I was shocked too. And no one cut me off! I KNOW!!!! Gotta love when everything works right. Jumps were still a bit off, but, I accepted them. Some of those landings were a bit suspect, but, I accept them. Will they get better? Heck yeah! This past Thursday, I was talking to another adult skater. We've known each other and competed against one another several times. I said to her that I was upset that my skating is not what it used to be. I asked where did it go? I was bemoaning my lost skills when she looked me in the eye and said, "it's there. You just stopped competing." She reminded me of when I didn't have an element, put it in my program anyway and about half the time, pulled it off. She said if I returned to the mindset of a competitor, everything would fall into place. I was going to ask how I could possibly juggle going to work and school and skate when I remembered that she skated while in law school. I need to be more organized and I will be from now on. In the meantime, I will do the Ren and Stimpy butt wiggle dance and enjoy this autumn November day. It's 18 days until Thanksgiving and 51 days until Christmas. Let that sink in for a minute. Oh yes, and some fool wants to do the show HAIR live on TV. Have they ever seen a production or listened to a recording? A lot of questionable language and a nude scene. Seven second delay anyone? Happy November!!!!