Monday, November 22, 2010

Rink Rants

I should give you fair warning; I'm complaining.

On my last session, I had just 10-15 minutes on the ice before my ice monitoring duties took over and my co-monitor insisted that we go over ever detail of who was on the session approximately twelve times. Grrrr......

On a positive note, the few minutes I was on the ice were lovely. I've been having acupuncture treatments and it's really helped keep Phil and Sylvie at bay. It's like day and night as far as my stroking and pain level is concerned.

Sadly, it has done noting to improve my three turns.

There is a young woman (early twenties) who guests on the Sunday morning and occasionally weekday evening sessions. She is the most unpleasant, rudest person I have ever had the misfortune of having to share the ice with (yes, I know, I ended a sentence in a preposition. And me, an English major!). She is so unpleasant, other adults roll their eyes when they see her. She finds pleasure in almost hitting anyone who is older than she is, who is not moving overly quickly, but at a slower speed. On several occasions, we have had near misses (although I think they should be called "near hits" because if it's a near miss you're not really close to one another...). One day, while on lesson, I moved my right arm while she was rounding the corner and slapped her square across the face. Another time, I was doing my artistic program, which had some beautiful arm movements. I suppose I wasn't important enough for her to notice and not be skating right up next to me because I slapped her across the face a second time. On that same day, during that very same run-through, I nearly took her head off during a camel spin I was already in because she decided she just had to do a jump right there. It only took three years, but she stopped skating into me.

I only mention this because I had to hand out copies of the schedule on Sunday. She took one, and said nothing. Now I admit, I can be a royal bitch sometimes. I stood in front of her and said. "The words you're looking for are 'THANK YOU'." She looked up at my non-smiling, annoyed face and mumbled, "Thanks." I walked off.

Damn. Did I really need to go there? Would have it killed this spoiled little witch to just be polite?

There's an adult skater during the evening session who is so oblivious to everything around her, she actually frightens me. I am not easily frightened. I've had guns pointed at me during robberies. I've walked into the middle of a drug bust. I've fallen off the subway platform. All of these incidents will be explained if you send me a comment with your e-mail address; none of them are skating related. However, this adult skater frightens me.

She is a beginner skater; working on her Pre-Preliminary and Preliminary moves and all the elements up to those tests as well. She's nice enough, but, well rather spacey. She notices absolutely, positively nothing around her. And I mean NOTHING. If she's working on her crossovers on the hockey circles, she will not deviate, speed up, slow down or move for anyone. Skaters have come to a grinding halt after picking up speed and setting up jumps because she has just suddenly stopped and stood there, looking out into space, thinking.

Personally, I've been frustrated by her on every single session. Uusally, when I'm doing my program, being a lefty, I'll jump in the lefty lutz corner. There is she is, hanging out, thinking. I ran into her once, only once, and she shouted at me "Look out!" Really? We had a young man going to Regionals skate a session. She never looked up as he tried to do triple jumps all around her.

Totally oblivious. Now become really frightened: she works in healthcare.

Of course that brings me to skaters who can only practice jumps in the exact same spot they always practice their jumps. I'm not talking about anywhere past the blue line, nope, I'm talking about the very same, exact point in the ice where they ALWAYS do a jump. I'm talking about the spot where, if by fluke of nature, you dared to land a jump three feet around that exact spot, the skater will suck her teeth and stamp her foot because you're in the way. If I skated that way, I'd get even less done than I already do. Such foolishness. Some of these skaters get angry when they can't do a jump in their pre-determined two feet of space, even when someone is skating a program.

Last rant: parents standing by the door. When I handed out the rules on Sunday, I glanced at them and noticed that one of the rules stated parents are not allowed to stand by the rink doors. No one listens to that rule. At least once per season, while getting off the ice, I will trip and slam into a parent blocking the door. It happens every year. I don't do it on purpose, but I do find it rather funny that I can manage to stay upright on the ice, but fall down on solid ground. Parents, if you see a skater getting off the ice, one suggestion: MOVE.