Wednesday, November 19, 2014
I'm not in a good place. I can't shake this feeling of despair, affectionately known as depression. I've been here before. I have no desire to skate. Or get out of bed. Daily showering is an effort. Most days I don't leave my apartment, even to get the mail. I've lost a few pounds because eating is an effort too. So is sleeping. Drinking isn't. There's hope that this will pass quickly and my tolerance for being around other people will dissipate. I have the time to skate, but absolutely no desire. I'm taking some time off to re-evaluate my life. It might be a short period of time, it might be a longer period of time; I don't know. In the meantime, Happy Thanksgiving all. "Hard to tell you How I feel Everything is so unreal. Lord, this life Is a hard thing to get through... And harder still To leave..." HOW I FEEL from The Me Nobody Knows. Music by Gary William Friedman and lyrics by Will Holt.
Friday, November 14, 2014
I had this crazy idea to skate every single day for two weeks. Well, maybe not every day because there isn't a session I can make on Saturdays because of school. So ALMOST every single day for two weeks. And not just skate, but actually get some stuff done. It boggles my mind that after years of performing in musical theatre, I get shy and uncomfortable when someone watches me skate. I really need to get over that; it's not helping. It's actually making things worse. And speaking of things getting worse... I must announce something not even my physician knows: I am 5'6 1/4 inches tall. And I weigh 186 1/2 pounds. I shouldn't weigh more than 140 pounds, which means I am almost 50 pounds overweight. I mention this only because my extra weight is impeding on my skating progress due to the outrageous amount of pain I end up in after a skate. This ends today. So, on top of skating everyday for two weeks, I will also be working out twice a day, eating healthy and looking for a job. Oy!