Concerns

With regards to severance, we all know that this too must end. Mine ends on August 31st. If I knew how to put in a GIF of an upset kitten, I would. Long story short, my insurance ends on that day too. I am still trying to decide which Exchange Program I will sign up with from the Affordable Care Act. Please, don't call it "Obamacare", since it's based on a system in place in Massachusetts. And that system was created by Romney. If you don't like ACA, blame Romney, not Obama. If you still hate the ACA, then I have a suspicion as to why, and you really don't want me to go into that, do you? I didn't think so. I only mention this because my knees (now both) seem to be getting worse and my feet are not improving at all. It's very disappointing because I skated (as much as I could) more than usual this summer and had high hopes of improvement. Instead, 99% of my lesson is taking up by stroking, (which really hurts) and that never seems to improve. My concern is that this is the winter (or summer) of my discontent. Perhaps my days really are numbered. My knees are swollen and hot. My feet have stabbing pains through them. Both wake me up at night, or keep me from sleeping at all. On a good night, I fall asleep at 2:30 and wake up at 5:40. Jackson Browne's "Running on Empty" anyone? So, this is my crossroad. Do I need new skates (mine are pretty broken down now, and old) or is it just my ability or lack thereof? How much more weight can I lose when working out is painful? Well, it's ibuprofen time, so we'll talk later. How many are too many when no less than three gets rid of a simple headache?

Sad

A friend died today. I was in too much shock to skate. I had sent her a text last week about a funny Youtube video about tourists in NYC. I didn't get a response. I sent another text today. Her sister called me back, giving me the terrible news that my friend and former co-worker had died suddenly this morning from a heart attack. I was just beginning to accept Robin Williams' death. I can't think about him without smiling sadly. I know depression; I know how taking you own life sometimes sounds like the best response. I know the voices. I try to keep mine as quiet as possible. I so loved Robin Williams' work. And Lauren Bacall. You can't be a theatre geek without knowing the two shows written especially for her: Applause and Woman of the Year. I didn't see either; I was either not born or too young to see it. But I do own the cast album of Applause; it's a keeper. I didn't expect her to live another thirty years; she was in her 80s. Still, I had watched her movies on cable and enjoyed every one of them. But I didn't know these people personally. I knew my co-worker. She was such a lovely woman. She almost never had anything bad to say about anybody (the exception was this annoying guy who used to stand near us when we were chatting, just to be nosy. I used to wait until he was around and shout "And then I killed him for being a pain in the ass!" We would laugh and laugh...) I said it before when someone else I knew died: do whatever makes you happy as long as it doesn't hurt anyone. It'll all work out somehow. To quote Robin Williams: Carpe diem.

Okay, Who Kicked Me?

I wanted to write this blog entry yesterday, but after skating, I was in so much pain, I took some pain killers and went to bed. After two hours of tossing and turning, I finally fell into a pain filled sleep. I liked my body more ten years ago when I was ten years younger. One day, someone will figure out why your body suddenly decides that even the simplest of things is going to make your hurt so much that you actually want someone to rock you in their arms and tell you it's all going to be okay. How many of us have that gift? So, a sinus headache prevented me from skating on Tuesday, which only left Thursday for ice time. School will be finished soon, and perhaps I can skate more often. Regardless, I headed out to the rink with a sore back, creaky knees and aching feet. I had high hopes. Two laps around the rink, forward inside edge crossover warm up, back inside edge crossover warm up, back outside edge crossover warm up and suddenly, I couldn't feel my right foot. That's the "good" foot with the sudden creaky knee. Off the ice to work my feet some more. Back on the ice, continued practice with MIF. There I am, moving along, minding my own business, noticing but ignoring the sharp pain in my left foot when it happens: my toes are numb. Not like "my feet are cold" numb, but like "there's no blood traveling to your foot and at any moment, it will fall off" numb. Off the ice, massage the feet, wake up the toes. When it finally feels better (about 5 minutes), I put the skate back on because it's time for my lesson. Several of my moves are improving to the point of being ready for testing. Sadly, the outside mohawk is not one of them. Uggghhh!!!!! I also just learned that the outside mohawk move begins on my good mohawk, causing me to fly through that portion of the move and slow down to a near crawl on the "bad" mohawk. Ugggghhhh!!!! And due to the foot issue, the forward outside three turns temporarily decided to visit other people. That being said, my freestyle is improving as well; except for the flip which causes me a great deal of pain. I can't figure out why. After the session finished, I limped to the subway, gasping for air, since taking a deep breath made my back hurt. That's not normal, is it? Up the two fights of stairs, onto the subway, as I felt the pain worsen. Was I worried that my body felt like I had been kicked by three dozen two year olds? No, I just figured it would feel better when I sat down on the train. It didn't. In bed by 10:30, up the next day at 7:00. I could now feel my feet, my knee was swollen, by back hurt and I was back to grinding my teeth at night without a night guard. Somehow, all of this is going to work out; I just know it. I will pass this test of wills because I am a skater. I am also incredibly stubborn.

Iced Knees & Feet, Heating Pad on Back

Sometimes your body just betrays you. My right knee is swollen, my feet (both) are in constant pain. And my usual/chronic back pain went from a 3/4 to 8/9. And still I went skating. On Tuesday, I did something I haven't done in years: I skated a public session. There are public sessions in the middle of the day during the summer so that camps can come and enjoy them. Unfortunately, camps come to public sessions. At the one session I skated, over fifty kids from three different camps came to the public session. It was amazing. I had forgotten how LOUD kids are. Wow! The noise, the screaming and the smells. What are you feeding your kids that they smell so badly? When you stopped teaching them to cover their mouths when they cough and sneeze, did you also stop telling them to wash regularly? Ugh! I only forty-five minutes of a two hour session because it became so dangerous that I spent most of the session stepping over prone bodies. Please don't get me started talking about the rude boys on hockey skates who almost knocked over an elderly gentleman. Those of you who can skate an empty public session have no idea how lucky you are. At $5.00 for a public session, I wish I could skate it. It was so crowded that I was unable to practice so much as a three turn. Freestyle on Thursday began with a great deal of frustration. My knee is swollen, my feet hurt all the time and while trying to push a large, heavy package up the stairs, I apparently hurt my back. The MIF that were pretty good last week, stopped working correctly. My three turns were all in the wrong place; forwards were too soon, backwards were too late. Ughhh!!!!!! Happily, during my lesson, Amy was able to fix three other MIF. Power Pulls when you have sore body parts is a bit of a struggle, but, I decided to ignore the pain and continue. Spirals, power pulls, edge rolls... all improving, slowly and painfully. Last week, I mentioned that another adult skater was working on more advanced skills while I spend most of my lesson stroking. Yes, it still bothers me. However, she is testing soon (MIF) and I'm guessing that's why she's being video taped and I'm not. That's okay because I hate watching my own videos, even with sign language. I need to get over that ASAP.