Is a Puzzlement...**

"I do not know... I am not sure... I am not sure of anything..."*** Have you seen my skating ability? If you have, please return it at the soonest possible moment. I seem to have lost my ability to do the simplest of moves, like stroking and crossovers, not to mention those which were a bit more difficult, like everything else. Along with my ability, I have misplaced my confidence. It is at an all-time low. Actually, a worm would have to crawl down several hundred feet to be just above my confidence level. I have no idea what's going on... Well, maybe I do. First off, it takes me a longer time to warm-up on the ice. I used to do an off-ice warm-up which consisted of running in place and jumps and stretches. Now, because of my feet/skates issue, I spend the entire time trying to warm-up my feet so they don't cramp. While my feet are no longer going numb and causing that to radiate up my legs to my thighs, I hit the ice without a sufficient warm-up. By the way, my feet still hurt. So without a sufficient off-ice warm-up, I try to do harder elements and it just doesn't happen, causing me to get frustrated. I spend entirely too much time at the boards trying to convince myself that no one is watching me and laughing. Did I mention that my self-esteem seems to be in the crapper too? That's a much longer story and probably not one for this blog. I am watching adult skaters who started last year work on brackets and I'm struggling with a right forward inside three turn, which, I'd like to add, I used to be able to do! Uggggh!!! Second: my lessons have been incredibly inconsistent. I truly understand that family and other commitments get in the way, but I don't have any family commitments that get in the way. I'm almost always available. I sometimes wonder if coaches get sick of you when you don't improve as quickly as they would like. Personally, I wouldn't blame my coach for being sick of working with me. I've been working on the same things for so long, I hate doing the Silver Moves. I really just want to get the elements of this test, practice them and take the damn test. Pass or fail. I need to get past the issue of truly hating this test. I can't tell you how long I've been on them, but I'm so sick of them. And then I see people who can't hold a decent edge and they have passed this test. I want to scream. Third: I'm fat. I know it. Anyone who looks at me knows it. There is no such thing as "big-boned". I was on a diet program, you know, the one advertised by Marie Osmond, and the first two weeks, I lost weight. After that, not only have I not lost weight, but the food causes a build up of intestinal pressure... oh heck, it gives me gas. I'm still on the program and I will keep trying, but I'm starting to wonder if I really am losing weight, but the gas is keeping the numbers on the scale the same. Fourth: No stamina. None. I get winded climbing the stairs in my apartment. I did a 30 day challenge, where I worked out every day for 30 days. The result: no change. Apparently I did something wrong. It is still my hope to take this test by the end of the summer; or at least be prepared to take it by the end of the summer. I skated better last year when I had to remove my skates every 15 minutes to get the blood back into my feet. I don't know and I don't understand. If you have any suggestions, any ideas, any tricks, please send them my way. I will try anything and everything. ** "Is A Puzzlement" from The King and I. Music by Richard Rogers; Lyrics by Oscar Hammerstein II *** This is not the actual song; this is the spoken introduction to the song, sung by the King.