Welcome To My Pity-Party

This is a mis-mash of emotions I'm going through right now. I feel lost and alone and overwhelmed and frustrated and incredibly sad. So sad I've been forced to buy waterproof mascara and I hate that stuff. (It's really bad for your lashes; breaks them off).

I belong to an adult competitive webgroup. Recently I vented about not having sessions because they were given to hockey. What did I get in response? Comments like "you should move", or "hockey pays for the ice", or "life's tough" and my personal favorite "rather than spending the hour to get to the rink with a lesson with my coach, I work with another coach, or go to my syncho practice or work-out in my pool". Thanks. On a good week, I skate twice a week. A really great week is three times on the ice. And this pain in the rear tells me to work out in my pool. I have a few choice words, but I'll be polite.

Lately, I have felt overwhelmed. I spend a lot of time alone as my sister/roommate is away every weekend. For the most part, I don't mind; I have school to keep me busy and the adding frustration of trying to get a webcam to hook up to Windows Live Messenger and two email accounts it apparently doesn't like. However, it has occurred to me that my life has not gone the way I had hoped by any stretch of the imagination. I have been looking for a new job for 8 years and I'm still working with Jabba the Hut. I haven't been in a relationship since the Clinton years. I can't seem to lose weight and I looked at myself in that stupid webcam and I look like the stuff you scrape off your shoes after walking through a dog park!

My physical health is pretty stable: my cough has never gone away, my sciatica still bothers me, my knees ache from time to time and I've injured BOTH of my rotor cuffs putting on a backpack. As for my love life, well, there is the guy who lives near my new parking space and he'd be fine if he wasn't covered in tattoos, didn't smoke like a chimney and had teeth. Does it help that I have a crazy crush on one of my teachers, who unfortunately is only 27? And probably not straight?

I am overwhelmed with having to clean my apartment since my roomie is never home. Overwhelmed because someone I love dearly is unemployed and finds in necessary to mention this fact in every single conversation, at least 5 times. My plan is to find a better job so I can give this individual $600 a month as "hush money" as in "hush-up now".

I have just been denied my vacation time, not that it really matters. I wanted to go someplace quiet and not listen to anyone complain, since I do that all day at work and afterwards. But surprise, my family wants to come along. I haven't had a real vacation in years.

Since I have skated three times since June 1st, the competition I wanted to do in October is out of the question. You can only come in last so many times before it starts to take a toll on you. When I do skate, thanks to doing kickboxing during my lunch hour (that's NEVER an hour), I am much stronger. The kickboxing was supposed to help with my stress (insert here dizzy spells and nose bleeds), but it doesn't seem to be working. After I finish, my body reminds me that I've injured both my rotor cuffs. I've wanted to get up earlier and get to the rink, but since I'm not sleeping well, it has made that difficult.

I apologize for dumping my feelings on anyone who reads this. If you are one of the people mentioned in this post; I am sorry if I upset you. I'm also surprised that you read it.

Back to work for me. If you hear someone sobbing in the background, pay no attention to it. It's just me.

I'm Still Here

It's been over a month since I put on skates and I must admit I miss it. I'd like to thank the powers that be for changing the schedule and totally screwing up my plans.

Happily, I'll be back on the ice on Wednesday. Unfortunately, I'll be back at the rink in Bethpage, where the skaters will just jump anywhere they so desire. Last summer when I skated there, I took down a little girl who decided that the track was an excellent place to spin. Sorry kid. This year, I have no plans of aborting any of my jumps, so skaters at Bethpage, keep your eyes open.

To quote The Joker from the original (the 80s) Batman movie, "Wait 'till they get a load of me."