Yeah.... Right....

Part of me can't get past the fact that Hollywood is remaking West Side Story. It's a movie of that time; I can't imagine how badly they will screw it up. On to skating. My out-of-town skating friends think I should drop Amy as a coach. She has close to zero confidence in my skating, hence, all the dance lessons. When I began skating, I was told that if you can't jump, you dance. If you can't dance, you do synchro. This is not necessarily true, but those words circle my brain every single dance lesson. I'm told I have a great line for dance. Lovely. Doesn't that mean I also have a great line for freestyle? I've spent a lot of time dancing; my freestyle has suffered because of it. The ability to step into a spin seems to elude me. I used to be able to spin in a half tied skate and now, I can't even step into one correctly. I'm going to blame this on my weight and lack of core strength; it makes me feel better. Rather than busting my bottom to finish the pre-Bronze dances so I can go to Nationals, I've decided not to go. I want to go to Nationals, but on my terms and my terms include a freeskate program. I'll do the solo freedance, but I will also do a freeskate. I'm not traveling to wherever, just to do a program I don't want to do. And if I never pass my Silver Moves or Freestyle, then so be it; I'm out. You have all heard me complain about how much I dislike ice dancing. I made a deal with myself to finish the pre-Bronze and after that, no more. I hate right inside mohawks (heck, I hate mohawks), it's impossible to get through a dance on most of the sessions I skate and music... UGH! Who picks that stuff? It's awful. I like old music, don't get me wrong, but it's two steps away from organ music of the 1950s. So the pressure is off for April and Nationals. There are two competitions I would really like to do. I will send my music to Marc and see if I have a vote of no-confidence from him. Meantime, I am looking for better and tolerable ice dancing music: Rhythm Blues and the Swing Dance. Until next time...

Feelings... Nothing More Than Feelings...

My last post was written about three weeks ago but I had forgotten to click "publish". Since I had already written it, I figured I should just post it. Haven't we all had those moments when we thought "this relationship isn't working out and we should break up"? And then we decide to try to make it work. Here I am, trying to make it work. Skating, like so many other things in life, has its ups and downs. You can do element X on Tuesday, but it disappears on Thursday and doesn't return until the next month. It's frustrating. It's heartbreaking. Sometimes it makes you want to chuck your skates into the nearest body of water, walk away and not look back. You're constantly being told not to compare yourself with someone else, but when you see others who started after you who have improved and gone on to pass you by, you can't help but feel a little sad, frustrated, angry, hopeless... whatever. When things do work correctly, you are dancing on a cloud, the euphoria is intoxicating. But when you least expect it, the rug is pulled out from under you and you literally fall on your backside. Getting up and trying it again sometimes causes a different result. And the feelings start all over again. I am unsure what will stop this daily roller coaster of emotions, euphoria and frustration. Skate more sessions? Stop thinking so much? Lose 65 pounds? Well, probably that one, yes. Try to stop comparing yourself to others? An international adult competition will be held in Lake Placid, NY next month without me. So many competitions have come and gone without me. I am wondering when I will return to the level I was at just a few years ago. I believe I will return to that level. Until that time, I will keep on trying. There's an adult competition in Washington DC I'd like to do. If I can simply get the confidence of both my coaches, I would appreciate it. I'm trying to be optimistic and not as negative as usual. I'm also trying to accept Ice Dancing; still not my favorite thing in the world. My goal for the next two months is to get back to where I was when my skates killed my feet; I could skate, I could jump and spin, just not for long. That's my goal. I've grown tired of buying tickets and not attending the show.

Maybe We Should Break Up

Lately, skating has become like that boyfriend whom you love, but doesn't love you back. You give and give and give and you get nothing in return. Sometimes I think we should break up. Summer is nearly over and what do I have to show for it? The steady progress I was making in skating has taken a hiatus after a nasty fall on my knees. How nasty? After years of skating, I have purchased knee pads. I found them on a dance website and thought I'd give it a try. They seem thin, yet padded enough to dance knee slides and knee turns. Great, non-evasive. The second rink at Chelsea Piers has finally finished the renovations. After enduring weeks of sessions with over 30 skaters and 18 coaches, a second rink will come in handy. There's something a little crazy about 30 skaters of different levels on the same ice at 7:00am. This one is doing double axels while this one is doing bunny hops. Soon it will be over. However, with or without extra people on the ice, my skating has collapsed. I am stopping myself when jumping, I can't seem to step into a spin and the mandatory mohawk in the Swing Dance is never on time with the music. Recently, I took a week off from skating with the hope that I would return with a clearer head. No such luck. My skating is just as bad today as it was when I took the time off. Maybe we should break up. Usually, I have a game plan prior to arriving at the rink. My outlook is relatively positive and I have a list of things I plan to work on. With 30 skaters on the ice, those plans usually go up in smoke. So much so that I have never successfully skated the Rhythm Blues. Nope, not once. I'm sure a lot of my issues are dependent on my weight. Everything seems to be about my weight so much so that I'm sick of talking about it. I even watched a video about teaching a camel spin to a kid who had no core strength to try to incorporate those tips into my own camel spin. It didn't quite work. Maybe we should break up.