Lake Placid, Black and Blond

If one more idiot stares at me because I am a black person with light brown hair and darker skin, I am going to break my foot off in their ass. What the hell is wrong with these people? They've never seen a black person before? Where the hell have you been living? What the hell are your problems?

I'm up in Lake Placid, after not being able to come up here for the adult skating week for seven years. Seven years people! Do you know how much this means to me? Do you have any damned idea how important this is to me? Can you all get it through your heads? I love skating. I used to be pretty damned good for an adult. It all went to hell when I hurt my back and subsequently ran out of money. Every time I'm on the ice, I know exactly what it costs, monetarily, emotionally and physically. So you can imagine how frustrating it can be to drive over 300 miles, in a rainstorm, to skate in Lake Placid and have a bunch of rude-ass adults get in my way. I am a lefty, which means I skate in the opposite direction. I spin clockwise while everyone else spins counter-clockwise. I am the ONLY lefty on the ice this week. Just me. Yep, lucky me. I am the only lefty AND the only, yes, ONLY BLACK PERSON ON THE ICE. Guess what people, you can't miss me. All you have to do is look up. Get your heads out of your ass and notice that there are other people on the freaking ice.

I have moved out of every stinking person on these sessions and NO ONE has moved for me. I am frustrated to a point where I can't do anything. And you have no idea how upsetting that is. Allow me to tell you this: just because my skin is brown doesn't mean I don't know what skating is. I hate the fact that my skills seem to have disappeared and I can't do anything. But do not think yourself so superior that you have the absolute nerve to ask me if I know how to skate. Kiss my ass fool.

I am angry. Angry that skills I had last year have up and left me. Angry that I am in so much pain and popping pain killers every day. Angry that every coach asks me my name because I am so easy to spot and I'm guessing they believe it looks good to know the black girl's name. Angry that I could be on a somewhat roll and people want to talk to me. Angry that someone I know told me to stop whinning because I stated I couldn't get anything done. Angry that I drove up here, paid all this money and am sitting in my room typing this when I could be on the ice, but what difference would it make because I can't do anything. Angry that a skater from home told me not to talk to her coach unless she was finished speaking to him. (WTF?) Angry that when I came in June and also had a horrible time (although this month takes the cake) and asked for a refund because I had already paid for August, was told "no".

Do you know what it's like to really love something and really suck at it? No? Consider yourself lucky. For all the money I have put into this sport, I could have brought a house. Or retired young. But no, I decided to become a competitive adult figure skater and I suck at it. If I were smart, I'd quit. Maybe I just should. It's not like anyone would notice.

And to the people up here in Lake Placid, young and old, who keep looking at me as though they've never seen a black person with light brown hair, I have only one thing to say to you: Kiss my ****ing ass!