Pain and Boas

I have just received a diagnosis of TMJ, which explains the excuciating pain on the left side of my face. It is incredibly painful, and that comes from a woman with chronic pain. It also makes me dizzy. A mouth guard has been molded and ordered for me. I have been sleeping with one I purchased at a local drug store. Who knew I had the skills to take it out of my mouth without even waking up! I can add this to my list of little known skills, along with: changing the TV channel while asleep; answering a non-ringing telephone while asleep and then being annoyed that someone called; cursing someone out in American Sign Language while smiling in their face because they have no idea what I just said; falling asleep during conference calls with my eyes open. The only really useful skill is the last one. Who invented conference calls anyway? My TMJ is bad, really bad. It makes my ear hurt to the whimpering point. Adults should never have ear aches; they are painful. And most adults have no sympathy for you; especially if they have kids because they went through this ear ache pain with their kids. Regardless, this TMJ issue has prevented me from attending the last reunion of my elementary school. It is a Catholic school and it's closing. I haven't seen these people (with the exception of one woman who I am still very good friends with) since I was 12 years old. I am sure that this unmarried, childless, no prospects on the horizon, back in school grown-ass woman has nothing in common with these people who are simply fuzzy memories in my head. My friend is going with her husband. I asked her to tell me all about it. I would attend, but when my ear and mouth start to throb... well, let's just say it's not very pretty. Now that Adult Nationals are over, I have had time to think about my goals for the next skating season. My goals are occasionally more than I can accomplish given the time constraints and financial issues. However, I am sitting thinking about them. I really am determined to pass my Silver tests this year; yes THIS year. I will have to drag my behind to the rink more often. Since I have no social life to speak of really, it shouldn't be that difficult. (My social life is really just Deaf Events I attend. I have recently discovered that I prefer the company of people who know American Sign Language to those who do not.) With that in mind, during a rare practice, I managed to remember to over twist into back three turns. It worked. Duh! Now my back inside three turns are back to normal. I sometimes wonder how I did them before without thinking about it. I used to do a lot of things without thinking about it; like driving a stick shift. I signed up for a competition on June 2nd. Same competition (and currently ONLY competition) I've done before. It's me and one other woman, a friend, against one another in an artistic program. She out-jumps me and wins, every stinking year. And while it sucks, I refuse to dwell on it. "It's gotta happen, happen sometime. Maybe this time, maybe this time I'll win"* As you know, I've struggled with my weight for years. It all came to a head when I tried on a competition dress I ordered two years ago and never wore. Pulling on an all-in-one to counter-balance my fat, I pulled the dress on. Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. I felt a gripping pain in my abdominal area similar to what I imagine being attacked by a boa constrictor feels like. I struggled to get the dress and the support garment off, all the time alternating between saying, "I can't breathe" and "What the hell??" and laughing. It's always good to laugh at yourself. When I finally got both torture devices off, I realized two things: 1. I was fat. 2. I had nothing to wear for this competition. Without enough time to drop 60 pounds before June 2nd, and dealing with the intense pain the TMJ brought me, I fell back into an old habit: I stopped eating. It was okay, really, since my mouth and face hurt so much that chewing was too painful to think about. As a result, I lost six pounds. I should plan better. Make a list, check it twice, find the foods that are naughty or nice. And workout more. It's funny because I love to workout. But, I've dropped my gym membership in an effort to save money and I live in an apartment with really thin floors. I still workout during lunch, when I don't have a conference call, but I feel something is missing. If you can help me figure it out, I'd appreciate it. Now I'm off to buy something that flows to wear for the competition. And maybe burn that all-in-one... *Song: Maybe This Time from Cabaret.