So What Happens Now?

First of all, I want to thank everyone who wished me well in my new unemployed state. So far, I've managed to remain positive. However, it has been under one month. On to skating. I am wondering, seriously how long I will be able to do this. The pain from my left foot has traveled up my leg toward my knee. Now, my right foot is suffering from the same problem that has plagued my left. It hurts to walk, it hurts to skate, the pain wakes me up during my five hours of interrupted sleep I get per night. Sometimes the pain is so bad, I wish I could pass out to make the pain stop. My doctor's appointment is either the 22nd or the 29th; I'm not sure which. This pain is causing a problem with day to day activities, but is really trying to throw a wrench in my skating. Today's session consisted of me spending a lot of time sitting down because I couldn't stand. When I was able to skate, I was unable to perform a right over left forward crossover due to pain. Since my right forward inside 3 turns are weak, we worked on those as part of MIF. The left back outside 3 was really painful and difficult to perform. Somehow, I managed to squeak out one dozen of the worse looking back outside 3 turns known in skating history. Am I watching my plans and goals for the summer slip through my fingers? One of the positive things about being laid off is being able to skate more. I can't skate more if I can't stand on my feet. Wonder if this has anything to do with my weight. Duh! I was able to do some spins, but for reasons I can't comprehend, my right knee began to throb making it difficult to step into a spin (I'm a lefty, remember?). Four scratch spins and five camel spins later, the session and my body was finished. I had tears of pain in my eyes and really, really wanted to pass out from the pain. Instead, I walked with Amy to the subway while extremely nauseous. Point of reference: I am nauseous a lot during the summer months; I don't deal well with the heat, never have. As a kid, I always had to wear a hat to keep the sun off of my head. I also wear sunscreen every single day. What would I do if I couldn't skate any longer? How would I fill my hours? What would become my physical passion? I'm a writer and an ASL Interpreter student, but both of those activities are sedentary. Skating is my physical passion now that I'm no longer on my college softball team (I was a center fielder; could throw from center field to home plate with a two hop step. Thanks Daddy!!!), and I wasn't even first, second or third string on that team (I was a left-over, never got to play a game, just in practice). I have so much I want to achieve before it all has to end. And I really don't want it to end like this. "So what happens now? (Another suitcase in another hall) So what happens now? (Take your picture off another wall) Where am I going to? (You'll get by, you always have before) Where am I going to? (Don't ask anymore.)" *** *** "Another Suitcase in Another Hall" from Evita. Lyrics by Tim Rice; Music by Andrew Lloyd Webber