With Apologies

It has come to my attention recently that I complain about my job a lot. You would too if your job caused you to have two bouts of Bells Palsy. However, in an effort at being positive, I will try to curtail my rants about my job and keep this blog focused on the art of figure skating. Also, I cannot move away from NYC. I am a proud native New Yorker. This is where I was born, raised, educated and almost died at least three times (walked into the middle of a drug bust with guns a-blazing; fell off the subway platform; 9-11). This is where what remains of my family (all 3 of them) live. Yes, I said 3; two sisters and a brother are all that remain of my family. We are extremely close to one another and the thought of moving away from them breaks my heart. On to skating. A funny thing happened at the rink on Saturday, and not the usual "I was spinning and snot started to fly out my nose" funny. Okay, that happened too, but I was practicing sans Amy, the Wonder Coach and "it" happened. Everything worked. Shhh.... Don't say it too loud. I can't figure out why, no matter how early I get to the rink, I get on the ice 3 minutes late. Be that as it may, I stroked around, did crossovers on the ends and launched into my warm-up. My warm-up is: 1. Forward inside edges with crossovers, alternating feet. 2. Backward inside edges with crossovers, alternating feet. 3. Backward outside edges with crossovers, alternating feet. 4. Cross rolls 5. Power pulls 6. Spirals, inside and outside - forward only. (I hate back spirals) 7. Twizzles (or at least my attempt at twizzles - can only go around once - working on that). After that, it's off to the other MIF since I've already done 3 of them (#4, 5 & 6). Three turns and I are now on speaking terms and well that outside mohawk occasionally has a mind of its own, but I'm working on it. When I went on to jumps, I started with the usual: waltz jump. No problems there. Followed by salchows, toe loops, and then loop jumps. THAT was when it happened. I tried a different entrance and it worked the first time. Then the second and third and fourth... I decided to stop at eight, since I had landed six out of eight attempts. Yeah me! Spinning hasn't been a problem lately; it all really depends on how much pain I'm in. Sometimes sit spins are just a memory, other times, I can perform them without a care in the world. Saturday was one of those days. After a series of spins, I decided to try for the back spin. Amy had given me a tip; keep my right arm bent in front of my chest going into the spin. And, it WORKED! My back spin spun like no body's business. Sometimes it's good to be the Queen (twist on Mel Brooks' "History of the World - Part 2" Off to the rink in a few minutes for a practice at a different rink. The nice thing about Saturday mornings is that there are plenty of adults around, so the parents don't give us the "stink eye" that adults sometimes get at other rinks. Not so much at other rinks. I suppose they think we adults are taking away ice from their children. So happy I'm child-less. I'm going to see if I can figure out how to video tape myself using my phone and end up in the right spot. Wish me luck! Say, does anyone know how to add photos to this blog? I've seen others do it. Wonder if it's in the owner's manual that I never read. And what happened to the spell check??

Back In Action

Time flies way too fast. I had started an entry about a month ago, but never finished it. However, this was one of those rare occasions where I actually saved the entry before logging out. Imagine my surprise! So, as of July 4th, I had only skated once since May. The main reason was because my ASL class orginally scheduled for Tuesdays was changed to Wednesdays because Hofstra University neglected to hire an instructor for the advance level class. My previous instructor stepped in to teach the class. I am in her debt because I now have my certificate and never have to return to Hofstra University again. Another reason was because I was hard at work at Gallaudet University in Washington, DC for the first two weeks of July. That was an intense two week program in American Sign Language. I foolishly signed up for 3 classes, which meant I was in school for approximately 11 hours a day. Usually, I dragged my exhausted butt to bed at 12:30, only to get up again at 6:15am. Didn't sleep much, ate too many potatoes, gained 8 pounds. The best part about the entire experience was being part of the Deaf Community for 2 weeks. It was wonderful just signing and turning off my voice. My signing improved ten-fold. I've started to save up to go again next summer. Now that I'm back home, I've returned to skating. A funny thing has happened: I've improved. Even without being on the ice for two months, somehow, I've improved. My staminia could use a kick in the pants, but I've returned to the gym and taking spin classes. I love spin class; you burn a lot of calories and you feel as though you're about to collapse, yet, you don't...usually. Even my practice sessions have improved. I mention that because I always feared I was one of those "great lesson" skaters. You know the type, the ones who can only bring the goods when in lesson, but come competition time, they fall flat. Speaking of competiton, the Adult Figure Skating National Championships will be held in April 2013 in Scottsdale, AZ. Never been to AZ (although I was hoping for Colorado, but I was told the air is very thin there...) so I've been working hard on my Moves In the Field in hopes to take that test by the end of the year. I know, it's already August, so I really have to get moving. With the exception of my job, I am very optimistic about things. I'll be returning to my favorite ASL classes in another month, as well as another school for ASL. I'm back at the gym and back on the ice, trying to skate 4-8 hours a week. I'm also attending Deaf Social Events, alone. I'm not really good in social situations, although family would beg to differ; it's an act, so attending alone is a big deal for me. As for work; it is my own private hell. For reasons I cannot comprehend, I have been sentenced to endure the torture and madness of a job I hate, with a commute I hate, working with people I dislike and for people I wouldn't cross the street to help. And that says a lot, because I am the type of person who WOULD cross the street to help anyone. It doesn't help that I listen to people complain all day long; it's getting to me. You never want to be in the car with me as I drive to work because every other word out of my mouth is a four-letter word. Every other word. Upon my return to Hell, I made a note to myself to stop talking. Mostly it's because no one listens to me anyway, but it's also because my boss and co-worker constantly tell me that I'm wrong. Every day, regardless of the subject. Several years ago, while running for the subway, I slipped off the platform into the gap between the car and the platform. My co-worker, who of course was NOT there when it happened said, "That never happened." REALLY????? That did it for me; I have nothing to say. But, back to skating. My backspin is slowly getting stronger. My Moves are slowly coming together; all I need is some confidence. And more speed. And a new job.

Skating Rinks, Why Do You Hate Adults??

It's summer. It's hot. I want to skate. Can I? Well, the answer is relative, based entirely on whether I'm having a good skate or not, but I digress. My question is more of time. I have time to skate, but what I don't have is location. I was hoping that the rink closest to that hell-hole I call a job would have one or two evening sessions I could make, but no. They consider 4:00 evening; making the session perfect for kids, people who are teachers and those who stay at home. For those of us who work a 9-5 gig, you are "SOOL" (s^&t out of luck). Just trying to curb my swearing to when I'm driving in the car. Okay. There's City Ice Pavilion, a lovely rink, but about 30 miles from my job and the session begins at 5:30. Even if I leave work at 4:30, I still wouldn't make it on time. Thank you for the evening sessions City Ice. Why couldn't you have had the brat hockey skaters at 5:30 instead of 7:00? World Ice Arena happily has 7:00 session. Right now I can do one day; this will change in 3 weeks when my Wednesday class is over. Yeah! My coach can't come to World Ice. Boo! What I really don't understand is the reluctance to have honest to goodness evening ice sessions. City Ice, when it first opened had real evening sessions three days a week. Usually, I skated two of them. They were happy to have us and our money, but now, I suppose our money doesn't generate enough revenue. Too bad; I really like that rink and the people who skate there. That leaves me with good old Chelsea Piers on Saturday mornings before ASL classes on Saturday afternoons. Nothing is more fun than running around Manhattan like a crazy person in the summertime. Ah, New York in the summer. Please insert your favorite heat related song here. Mine is "Summer in the City". Sadly, I don't remember who sings it.

Imagine My Surprise!

Yes, imagine my surprise when I checked the schedule of events for the competition held this weekend to discover there were NO adults listed. Now I'm annoyed at myself because even if I skated like crap, I would have won a medal! Next year I'll be ready with both an artistic/dramatic program and a technical one. I had started before the Wednesday night sessions had ended. I haven't skated in 2 weeks and I miss it. My heel spurs don't miss it right now, but when my weight gets high, I get heel spurs. Guess that's my body's way of saying, "Yo! Fatty! Lose some weight!" No pressure, right? Went to an ASL meet-up yesterday. That's were some Deaf and hearing ASL students get together and chat. There's a woman, pretty nice, but she asked me if I understood what was going on. Excuse me? I've been attending these on and off for almost two years. While she is in an interpreter's program and I am not, I don't appreciate anyone thinking I'm not catching on. If I had a problem, I'd ask the person I was talking to, not someone not in my conversation. I guess she means well, but it struck me as odd. Very odd. Hope to find out my skating schedule by the end of the week. Will keep you posted. Until that time, be well.

Is It June Already??

My sentence as the ice monitor for the Sunday sessions has finally ended. It actually ended a few weeks ago, but Blogger wasn't cooperating and AOL no longer supports it. AOL doesn't support much these days: YouTube, Blogger, Ice Network and another site that I can't recall the name of, but shows musical numbers from Broadway shows. My final two weeks as monitor were punctuated by my not skating at all. I suppose because the outdoor rinks had closed, everyone and their cousin showed up for the club session. They all brought their attitudes and their obnoxious parents. So, what did I end up doing? Playing the music. Program after program. It was because of the music hogs; those kids and coaches who have to play their music over and over again. Uggghhhhh!!!!! Happily, some of the kids were really grateful that I played the music. One girl asked if I would get the chance to skate the session and I told her no. She stated, "That's not fair." And I said, "No, it's not. But it's okay because it's the last time I'll do it." And it was. There's a party next Sunday to say good-bye to those skaters who are going off to college. It's also to say good-bye to me. I've already told the other monitors and several of the club officers that I won't be available to monitor next year. While everyone understands why I don't want to come back, everyone still wants me to return. When I asked, why? What was in it for me? No one could answer me. It was for the good of the club, I was told. Allow me to mention again: this is not my home club. Tomorrow is the competition that I'm not doing. I'm really disappointed that nothing worked right this season. I'm still fat. I still have an annoying cough, a back that always hurts and a job that I hate. I have spent so much time concentrating on studying ASL that I have let other things slip through my fingers. Skating, writing, dieting, working out. I need to find a balance. I need to find some way to lose 50 pounds. I'd also like to have a date sometime this decade. I just want a little happiness. And three solid double jumps and maybe one triple.

One More Day

This past Sunday, I headed to the rink reluctantly. I knew, thanks to my monitoring duties, that I would get in very little ice time. Little did I know that that ice time would be less than I expected and that I would lose something. There is only one day remaining to the Sunday morning torture I call Ice Monitoring. I have announced that I will NOT be returning. And this time I mean it. No amount of begging will convince me to return. I have not skated these past Sundays and since I am the skater and not my non-existing child, it bothers me. That being said, after what seemed like forever, I got on the ice. I was immediately interrupted because the music wasn't working correctly. I should mention that I don't know how to work the music because I do my program so infrequently. Off the ice I go to walk to the office and ask if someone can come fix the music. While heading back to the ice, I was interrupted for some ice monitoring duty; I don't remember what it was. Back on the ice. Two laps around the rink and I started my first Move in the Field. And was interrupted when someone was breaking the rules. I was handed a copy of the rules which I had to deliver to the rule-breaker. I started my moves again and got half way down the ice when a little child decided that was the perfect place to do a spin. She was in lesson. I asked the coach if she could possibly move her student out of the track. And started my moves again. I was successful in doing half of one move and was on the ice a total of six minutes. Yes, six minutes. Out came the Zamboni. While preparing for the second session, I watched a mother and her two daughters prepare to get on the ice (the kids, not the mom). I had never seen these three people before and waited for the mom to ask someone "who do I pay?" She never did, but whisked her children onto the ice with their coach, who I also had never seen before. The rule for this skating club is the same as the rule for the rink and 99% of all other rinks and clubs: YOU PAY FIRST. So, since my co-monitors had not seen them enter, I calmly went up to the mother and told her she had to pay first. She told me she'd do it when she got around to it. Usually, I'm not that much of a bitch, but, I had only six minutes on the ice and was quite pissed off. I said to her, "I'm the ice monitor and I can throw your kids off the ice immediately if you don't pay right now." I got "the look". As an African-American woman, I get "the look" a lot. What's "the look"? It's the look that says, "who the hell do you think you are? Don't you just work here? I don't have to listen to you." I got on the ice and skated towards one of her daughters. She went go pay. Unfortunately, the coach decided that the 6 or 7 year old child should skate on the end of the rink where the high test skaters do their jump patterns. I asked the coach to kindly move to keep the kid safe. She rolled her eyes at me and said, "Whatever." This coach is on staff at the rink. I know her boss; we are friends. Mistake. BIG mistake. Not only did this chuck-wagon piss me off, but she succeeded (as did the mother of the two skaters) to piss off the other two monitors and an officer for the skating club. Good luck getting anything signed by the skating club now. But wait, there's more! For some unknown reason, everyone and their cousin had to do their program. And we have music hogs. You know, those people who start their programs over and over and never actually finish skating them. As a result, I ended up playing the music for the second session and not skating at all. All of this hell ends next week. I am counting the hours until I say "GOOD BYE" to monitoring. I will show up for the end of season party because I want someone to say thank you to me. On a totally different note: there is a summer program at Gallaudet University. It's an intensive 2 week program in ASL. I was evaluated for the program this morning and ranked into the Advanced class!!! I don't know how to add photos, but if I did, you'd see me dancing!! Makes up for Sunday.

I Have Feelings

The above statement is probably a surprise to many people. Yep, I have feelings. You wouldn't think it, since I am a "big" woman of darker complexion. Yes, I am 5'6 1/4 inches tall and weigh over 165 pounds (although I don't look THAT fat, but I do look fat; I like to think I carry it well, but no longer wish to carry it at all). I mention that because in the past few weeks, I have been truly insulted.

Let's not bother to mention the obnoxious skating children who think of me as "the help". Screw them. I'm talking about adults. And I'm not just talking about skating adults.

Yesterday, in school, another student brought her dog with her. It's was a cute dog, a small dog and I like dogs. I prefer cats, but I like dogs. During a break, I was playing with the dog, who, surprise, surprise, liked me. One of my classmates signed, "It's so strange to see your softer side." Huh? She went on to explain that because I don't like children, she assumed I didn't like animals and it was so nice to see me being kind to something.

WTF?

But it didn't stop there, oh no. She had more to say: Since I didn't have any children and expressed no interest in getting married, it was nice to see that I had a softer, kinder side and that I should show that more often and that I might find a nice guy and start a family.

I think my face cracked at that point.

For the record: I love babies. They are sweet and cute and they (usually) smell wonderful. Everything is new and exciting to them. That is wonderful. I actually like kids until they're about 7 and then don't want to be around them until they're about 17, unless they are spoiled and then I never want to be around them. I spent three years teaching skating to little girls. My last class left such a bad taste in my mouth that kids and I really just don't gel. How old were my students? Between 10-16: the annoying ages.

As for a husband, I have been dumped more times than I care to count. And it hurts; a lot. I give my heart freely and love deeply and when the last three guys you dated tell you that the sight of your face makes them want to vomit, well, you close yourself off to relationships. Also, I fell hopelessly in love in college and when he disappeared, I waited years for him to come back. By accident, I found him on Facebook. He's happily married with two kids. He doesn't remember ever dating me. That really hurts, a lot.

So to be told that showing my "softer side" will get me a man and a couple of kids and believing I wouldn't be insulted or hurt by that comment... Surprise. I have feelings too.

Staying on the school theme, I asked my instructor if she'd write me a letter of recommendation because I want to apply to the Interpreters program at a local college. While she didn't say no, she did insist that I just try to take classes at the college and NOT apply to the Interpreters program. For the record, I want to see what they have to say about my signing since they don't know me and would be more impartial than others. I'd be surprised if I got into the program. Thrilled, but surprised. In short, my instructor didn't think I was ready nor that I had the skill. There's another woman in my class who's signing is a little "muddy" for lack of another word. Everybody thinks her signing is wonderful. I sometimes have trouble understanding her because her favorite sign is "whatever" and she signs it all the time. As in after every other sentence. Perhaps it's jealously, but I have met others whose signing is better, but according to all the instructors at this particular school, her signing is perfect.

I don't think of myself as being anywhere near great, but I didn't think I'd have to convince my instructor to write the damn letter. Color me: hurt.

Amy will not be at the rink this week and next week I will be out of town. Tonight, I will go and practice and there is a 99.9% chance that someone will ask me to watch them do something if I stop for more than 3 seconds. Watch me! Watch me!! Watch me!!! And if I do, I always, always give positive reinforcement. I think it works better than saying "you suck". But what do I get? "Wow, I thought you'd be better than that." "You STILL can't land that?" "What was that supposed to be?" And my favorite, "You were trying to do X? Let me show you what it's SUPPOSED to look like" followed by eight attempts of X and each one proceeded with the comment: Look at me!

I am a pretty good spinner and a pretty good jumper. Yet, every week as I step into a spin or go up for a jump, there is a woman who sees what I'm doing and does the exact same thing, and gets in my way. She never backs off. I've come very close to taking her down on more than one occasion, but I know what she's doing. She is trying to show me "the right way to do it." How do I know this? She has told me. First I am asked what I supposed to be doing, followed by the question "really?" then she shows me how it's supposed to look.

I do not skate for exercise; I compete. I am not "big boned" since there is no such thing. I am just fat, but thank you for pointing it out to me; I guess I never noticed. Thank you so much for saying it to me every time I show up at the rink. It hurts when you say that.

My sister/roommate has more mood swings than the pendulum of a clock. She constantly tells me what to do; not make suggestions, tells me, almost a demand. I have been called names that I won't bother to repeat and I say nothing. She sees nothing wrong with her actions. Why? I don't have feelings, or if I do, they are only slightly important. I am trying not to start an argument, so I keep quiet. I also repeat myself because I will get cut off at the knees. Still, I have feelings.

My other sister doesn't pay attention to what I say long enough to actually hear it. She is in her own work world and it is all encompassing for her. Between the two of them, I occasionally have the chance to finish a thought or comment. However, if I talk too much about skating, school or work I can see their eyes glaze over, I can hear the sign in their voices. I stop talking and ask about them. I have feelings too.

At work, I'm always wrong. I don't fall into my boss' "chosen" category of white, Irish-Catholic. I'm Catholic; one out of three ain't bad. But no. And so, I never get to finish a sentence. And when I start one; I'm wrong. (Side bar: my boss has to read everything aloud. Do you know how annoying that is? Think about it for a minute.) At a meeting, my boss said the division secretary was just a wonderful person who does so much and gets so many things done. The division owes everything to this woman (who is almost always on the phone with personal calls) and she is so knowledgeable about the business thanks to emails and phone calls where she funnels information through. And oh, my boss added, there was also me. Considering the amount of work I do, color me: hurt.

I am not petite. I have recently been told that I'm not pretty. Still, this over-weight woman has feelings. And those feelings are constantly hurt.

Maybe I'm too sensitive; I always have been. I go out of my way NOT to hurt anyone's feelings. Couldn't someone do that for me?